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Contemptuous Consumption - EXCELSIOR, YOU FATHEAD!

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December 17th, 2014


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08:57 am - Contemptuous Consumption
A perusal of the Hammacher Schlemmer online catalog last night led Sonya and I to make a lot of sardonic mocking sounds at the wide array of overpriced tchotchkes for the Romney set. After a particularly profane outburst I decided to write my own copy for some of the more egregious examples. I've got a Tumblr thingo up which is posting these sporadically across a few days, but you lucky lot, you get to see a whole bunch first! Wowie! There's a lot of huge images and cussing ahead; we cut because we care.

PS. I didn't edit a single one of the listed prices. For serious.












(18 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


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From:moon_custafer
Date:December 17th, 2014 02:32 pm (UTC)
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Ahahahaha this is actually disturbingly close to the copywriting style on woot dot com.
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From:tansu
Date:December 17th, 2014 02:44 pm (UTC)
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standing O, sir.
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From:chanaleh
Date:December 17th, 2014 03:08 pm (UTC)
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From:ooshiny
Date:December 17th, 2014 03:36 pm (UTC)
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I saw that USB paper towel roll yesterday on some website whose theme was essentially "shut up and take my money."
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From:susskins
Date:December 17th, 2014 06:09 pm (UTC)
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This is quality moichandise here. The Sharper Image and Brookstone can go fuck themselves.
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From:mmcirvin
Date:December 19th, 2014 02:54 am (UTC)
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They all live happily together in the great Mall in the Sky.
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From:sovay
Date:December 17th, 2014 06:58 pm (UTC)
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Do we look like car scientists to you?

I shall love this until the end of time or tchotchke catalogues, whichever comes first. Probably time.
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From:rosefox
Date:December 17th, 2014 10:32 pm (UTC)
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Paaaaaaatreon. :)
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From:muffyjo
Date:December 18th, 2014 03:50 am (UTC)
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Does item #86688 come in any color other than silver? My kitchen is yellow and green and I'd really like to tie the theme together.
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From:beowabbit
Date:December 19th, 2014 12:30 am (UTC)
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/me clicks “Like”.
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From:clickie
Date:December 19th, 2014 07:05 am (UTC)
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To play devil's advocate on the paper towel holder, if you are the kind of person who owns a standalone paper towel holder, you probably spent at least $20 on it anyway, and a USB charging hub might cost you another $30, so...maybe you just want to kill two birds with one stone?

Personally, my paper towel dispenser is a piece of string stuck through the roll and attached to the side of a dog pen.

Edited at 2014-12-19 07:05 am (UTC)
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:December 19th, 2014 09:55 am (UTC)
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Our paper towel holder is the floor, because there's absolutely no place we can stash rolls without the cats getting to them unless we want to hang the damn things from the ceiling. The rolls, not the cats. They'd have too much fun playing Pilot To Bombardier hanging from the ceiling.
[User Picture]
From:clickie
Date:December 23rd, 2014 08:18 pm (UTC)
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Wait so the cats have no interest in batting around the roll if it's on the floor, but if it were hung up somewhere they'd be all for it?
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From:antiquated_tory
Date:December 23rd, 2014 08:15 pm (UTC)
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Actually if they built in some Bluetooth speakers, that paper towel dispenser would be really handy. I'm always listening to podcasts while I cook, over a device that needs recharging.
[User Picture]
From:clickie
Date:December 23rd, 2014 08:17 pm (UTC)
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If you had one of those Bluetooth speakers that charges via USB, you'd be set.
(Deleted comment)
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From:nineweaving
Date:January 22nd, 2015 01:37 am (UTC)
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Happy birthday! Travel light.

Love,

Nine
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From:ajodasso
Date:January 22nd, 2015 04:10 am (UTC)
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These are all hilarious, but it's the last one that really broke me.

(Happy Birthday!)

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