It's just this little chromium switch, here... (derspatchel) wrote,
It's just this little chromium switch, here...


We've already gone over, in all caps, the brilliance of one Julian Fellowes and his incredibly world-shattering, game-changing plan to write his own screenplay and call it Romeo and Juliet, thus helping modern-day culture lovers understand the impenetrably arcane works of one William Shakespeare, a man who used words enough unlike the words we use in English today so as to be completely incomprehensible. But Why? we ask, throwing our heads back to the sky and gesturing in an appropriately beseeching fashion. Why did this brilliant man look deep within his heart and bestow upon all of mankind the gift of comprehension-circa-2013? Was it out of a newly-gained sense of altruism, developed overnight with the help of three ghosts? Was he bored? Is he just like one of Loki's minions or something, here to sow craziness for its own sake? Why? Why? Why?!

As it turns out, it's because he's a pompous smartier-than-thou. As quoted in the New York Times review of the film (which doesn't quite like it, by the by) our dear Mr. Fellowes loads, aims, then shoots his mouth off:
Speaking with the BBC, Mr. Fellowes ("Downton Abbey") has waved away criticisms of his alterations because "to see the original in its absolutely unchanged form, you require a kind of Shakespearean scholarship and you need to understand the language and analyze it and so on." With tongue presumably in cheek or perhaps just a foot deep in mouth, he added that he could do this kind of heavy interpretive lifting "because I had a very expensive education — I went to Cambridge." Recognizing that not everyone enjoys such advantages, he said, "There are plenty of perfectly intelligent people out there who have not been trained in Shakespeare’s language choices."
He's a modern-day Prometheus, he is--or, for those of you without the benefit of an Oxford education, "that guy who made fire and pissed Zeus off or something". However, after discussing this AT GREAT LENGTH with Sonya, we have determined that Mr. Fellowes is, indeed, half-assing it. He wants to bring Shakespeare to the Great Unwashed Masses What Don't Know From Nothing? He wants to use Our Awesome Zeitgeist to Engage Modern Audiences Or Whatnot? WELL THEN, WE SAID OUT LOUD IN ALL CAPS, WHY THE HELL ISN'T THERE ANY TWERKING IN THIS ROMANCE? A quick stand-around-and-say-"butt"-a-lot conversation ensued, which brought about the following MASTERPIECE OF WESTERN CULTURE:

If I profane with my unworthiest hind
This holy shrine, a gentle fine should work:
My cheeks, two blushing pilgrims, sweet and kind
To smooth that rough touch with a tender twerk.

Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hind too much,
Which mannerly devotion shows in this:
For saints have butts that pilgrims' butts do touch
And cheek to cheek is holy twerker's kiss.

(Then, of course, to finish it off)

You twerk by the book.

And that's the end of this post!

(We're off to watch twelve hours of movies otherwise this post would have ended proper. Sonya, commandeering the keyboard for a moment, points out the following:


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