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OCCUPY STOCKBRIDGE - EXCELSIOR, YOU FATHEAD!

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November 24th, 2011


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10:33 pm - OCCUPY STOCKBRIDGE
iTunes just crashed and we're waiting for it to come back up is what we're doing

This song is called Alice's Restaurant
It's about Alice
and the Restaurant
But Alice's Restaurant is not the name of the Restaurant
That's just the name of the song
That's why I called this song Alice's Restaurant
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in, it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
And you can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago
was on
Two years ago on Thanksgiving
When my friend and I
went up to visit Alice at the Restaurant
But Alice doesn't live in the Restaurant, she
lives in the Church nearby the Restaurant
in the Belltower
with her husband Ray
and Facha the Dog

and livin in the Belltower like that
they got a lot of room downstairs
where the Pews used to be in
havin all that room
seeing as how they took out all the Pews
they decided that they didn't have to take out their garbage
for a long time...

We got up there
we found all the garbage in there
and we decided it'd be a
friendly gesture for us to take the garbage
down to the city dump

So we took the half a ton of garbage
put it in the back of a red VW microbus
took shovels and rakes
and implements of de-struction
and headed on toward the city dump

Well we got there
and there was a big sign
and a chain across the dump
sayin CLOSED ON THANKSGIVING
and we had never heard of a dump closed on Thanksgiving before and
with tears in our eyes
we drove off into the sunset
looking for
another place to put the garbage

We didn't find one...

Til we came to a side road
and off the side of the side road
was another fifteen foot cliff
and at the bottom of the cliff
was another pile of garbage

And we decided that one big pile
is better than two little piles
and rather than bring that one up
we decided to throw ours down

That's what we did

Drove back to the church
had a Thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat
went to sleep and didn't get up
until the next morning
when we got a phone call
from Officer Obie.

He said Kid,
We found your name on an envelope
at the bottom of half a ton of garbage and
just wanted to know if you had any information about it
And I said Yes sir, Officer Obie
I cannot tell a lie
I put that envelope under that garbage.

After speaking to Obie
for about forty-five minutes on the telephone
we finally arrived at the Truth of the Matter
and said that we had to go down
and pick up the garbage
and also had to go down and speak to him at the
Police Officer's Station.

So we got in the red VW microbus
with the shovels and rakes and implements of de-struction
and headed on toward the Police Officer's Station

Now friends
there was only one or two things that Obie coulda done
at the Police Station
and the first was that he could have give us a medal
for being so Brave and Honest on the Telephone
which wasn't very likely
and we didn't expect it
and the other thing was
that he could've bawled us out
and told us never to be seen driving garbage around the vicinity again
which is what we expected

but when we got to the Police Officer's Station
there was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon
and we was both immediately arrested.
Handcuffed.
And I said Obie, I don't think I can pick up the garbage
with these handcuffs on
He said Shut up, Kid. Get in the back of the patrol car.

And that's what we did
sat in the back of the patrol car and drove to the
quote
Scene Of The Crime
unquote

I want to tell you about the town of Stockbridge Massachusetts
where this happened here
They got three stop signs
Two police officers
and one Police Car
but when we got to the
Scene Of The Crime
there was five police officers
and three Police Cars
being the biggest crime of the last fifty years
and everybody wanted to get in the newspaper story about it
and they was usin up all kinds of cop equipment
that they had hanging around the Police Officer's Station
They was taking plaster tire tracks
foot prints
dog smelling prints
and they took twenty-seven eight-by-ten
color glossy photographs
with circles and arrows
and a paragraph on the back of each one
explaining what each one was
to be used as evidence against us

Took pictures of the Approach
the Getaway
the Northwest Corner
the Southwest Corner
and that's not to mention the aerial photography...

After the ordeal we went back to the jail
Obie said he was going to put us in the cell
said Kid, I'm going to put you in the cell
I want your wallet and your belt

And I said Obie, I can understand you wanting my wallet
so I don't have any money to spend in the cell
but what do you want my belt for?
He said Kid, we don't want any hangings.

I said Obie, did ya think I was gonna hang myself for littering?

Obie said he was making sure
and friends Obie was
cause he took out the toilet seat
so I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown
and he took out the toilet paper
so I couldn't bend the bars
roll out
roll the toilet paper out the window
slide down the roll
and have an Escape

Obie was making sure
and it was about four or five hours later that Alice

Remember Alice?
It's a song about Alice.

Alice came by
and with a few nasty words to Obie on the side
bailed us out of jail
and we went back to the church
had another Thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat
and didn't get up until the next morning
when we all had to go to Court.

We walked in
sat down
Obie came in
with the twenty-seven eight-by-ten
color glossy pictures
with circles and arrows
and a paragraph on the back of each one
and sat down

Man came in, said All rise
We all stood up
and Obie stood up
with the twenty-seven eight-by-ten
color glossy pictures
and the Judge walked in
sat down with a seein eye dog
and he sat down

We sat down
Obie looked at the seeing eye dog
and then at the twenty-seven eight-by-ten
color glossy pictures
with the circles and arrows
and a paragraph on the back of each one
and looked at the seeing eye dog

And then at the twenty-seven eight-by-ten
color glossy pictures
with the circles and arrows
and a paragraph on the back of each one
and began to cry

cause Obie came to the realization
that it was a typical case of American Blind Justice
and there wasn't nothing he could do about it
and the Judge wasn't going to look at
the twenty-seven eight-by-ten
color glossy pictures
with the circles and arrows
and a paragraph on the back of each one
explaining what each one was
to be used as evidence against us

And we was fined fifty dollars
and had to pick up the garbage in the snow
but that's not what I came to tell you about.

Came to talk about the draft.

They got a building down New York City
It's called Whitehall Street
Where you walk in
you get injected
inspected
de-tected
infected
ne-glected
and se-lected

I went down to get my physical examination one day
and I walked in
I sat down
got good and drunk the night before
so I looked and felt my best
when I went in that morning
cause I wanted to look like the All American Kid from New York City
man I wanted
I wanted to feel like
I wanted to be
the All American Kid from New York
and I walked in
sat down
I was hung down
brung down
hung up
and all kinds of mean nasty ugly things
and I walked in
I sat down
and they gave me a piece of paper
said Kid, see the Psychiatrist, room 604.

and I went up there
I said Shrink,
I want to kill.
I mean
I wanna
I wanna kill.
Kill
I wanna
I wanna see
I wanna see blood and gore and guts
and veins in my teeth
Eat dead burnt bodies
I mean kill
Kill
KILL?!
KILL!!

and I started jumpin up and down yellin
KILL!! KILL?!
and he started jumpin up and down with me
and we was both jumpin up and down
yellin KILL!! KILL?!
And the Sergeant came over
pinned a medal on me
sent me down the hall
said You're our boy
didn't feel too good about it

Proceeded on down the hall
gettin more injections inspections detections neglections
and all kinds of stuff that they was doin to me at the thing there
and I was there for two hours
three hours
four hours
I was there for a long time going through all kinds of mean nasty ugly things
and I was just having a tough time there
and they was inspecting injecting every single part of me
and they was leaving no part untouched

Proceeded through
and when I finally came to see the very last man
I walked in
walked in sat down after a whole big thing there
and I walked up and said What do you want?
He said Kid, we only got one question:
Have you ever been arrested?

And I proceeded to tell him the story of Alice's Restaurant Massacree
with full orchestration
and five part harmony and stuff like that
and all the
and he stopped me right there
and said Kid, did you ever go to Court?

And I proceeded to tell him the story of the the twenty-seven eight-by-ten
color glossy pictures
with the circles and arrows
and a paragraph on the back of each one
and he stopped me right there and said
Kid, I want you to go over
and sit down on that bench
that says Group W...

NOW, Kid!

And I
I walked over to the
to the bench there
and there is
Group W's where they put you if you may not be
moral enough to join the Army
after committing your special crime
and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly looking people on the bench there was
Mother Rapers
Father Stabbers
Father Rapers
Father Rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me!
And they was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys
was sitting there on the bench
And the meanest ugliest nastiest one
the meanest Father Raper of them all
was comin over to me
and he was mean 'n ugly 'n nasty 'n horrible and all kinds of things
and he sat down next to me
and said Kid, what'dya get?
I said I didn't get nothing
I had to pay fifty dollars and pick up the garbage

He said What were you arrested for, Kid?
and I said Littering
and they all moved away from me on the bench there
and the hairy eyeball
and all kinds of mean nasty things

until I said And creatin' a nuisance
and they all came back
shook my hand
and we had a great time on the bench
talkin bout crime
mother stabbing
father raping
all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the bench
and everything was fine
we was smoking cigarettes and all kinds of things
until the Sergeant came over
had some paper in his hand
held it up
and said Kids,

thispieceofpaper'sgotfortysevenwords
thirtysevensentences
fiftyeightwords
wewannaknowdetailsofthecrimetimeofthecrime
andanyotherthingyougottasay
pertainingtoandaboutthecrime
Iwanttoknowarrestingofficer'sname
andanyotherkindofthingyougottasay

and talked for forty-five minutes
and nobody understood a word that he said
but we had fun filling out the forms
and playing with the pencils on the bench there and
I filled out the Massacree with the four part harmony and
wrote it down there just like it was
and everything was fine and I put down the pencil
and I turned over the piece of paper
and there

there on the other side
in the middle of the other side
away from everything else on the other side
in parentheses
capital letters
quotated
read the following words

("KID, HAVE YOU REHABILITATED YOURSELF?")

I went over to the Sergeant
said Sergeant
you've got a lotta damn gall to ask me if I've rehabilitated myself
I mean
I mean I mean that just
I'm sitting here on the bench
I mean I'm sitting here on the Group W bench
cause you want to know if I'm moral enough to join the Army
burn women kids houses and villages
after being a Litterbug

He looked at me and said Kid, we don't like your kind
and we're gonna send your fingerprints off to Washington
and friends
somewhere in Washington
enshrined in some little folder
is a study in black and white
of my fingerprints

And the only reason I'm singing you this song now
is cause you may know somebody in a similar situation
or you may be in a similar situation
and if you're in a situation like that
there's only one thing you can do
and that's walk into the shrink
wherever you are
just walk in
say Shrink,
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
and walk out

You know if one person
just one person does it
they may think he's really sick and they won't take him
and if two people
two people do it
in harmony
they may think they're both faggots and they won't take either of them

and if three people do it
three can you imagine
three people walking in
singing a bar of Alice's Restaurant
and walking out
they may think it's an Organization

And can you
can you imagine fifty people a day
I said fifty people a day
walking in
singing a bar of Alice's Restaurant
and walking out
and friends they may think it's a Movement

And that's what it is
the Alice's Restaurant Anti-Massacree Movement
and all you gotta do to join
is to sing it the next time
it comes around on the guitar

With feeling.

So we'll wait til it comes around on the guitar here
and sing it when it does.

Here it comes:
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in, it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
And you can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
That was horrible.
If you want to end war and stuff you got to sing loud
could put a lot
I've been singing this song now for twenty five minutes
I could sing it for another twenty five minutes
I'm not proud
or tired

So we'll wait til it comes around again
and this time with four part harmony and feeling
we're just waiting for it to come around is what we're doing
all right now
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant (excepting Alice)
You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
Said walk right in, it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
And you can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant
da da da da da da dum
at Alice's Restaurant
-Arlo Guthrie

(12 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:trysha
Date:November 25th, 2011 03:40 am (UTC)
(Link)
Very important!

We listened to this today :)
From:zhym
Date:November 25th, 2011 03:55 am (UTC)
(Link)
Yay!

Now it's Thanksgiving.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:coffeebeanben
Date:November 25th, 2011 04:47 am (UTC)
(Link)
Thank ya uncle Rob. I appreciate this thing you do every year. Don't ask me 'bout the details on why, i just do.
[User Picture]
From:phonemonkey
Date:November 25th, 2011 04:22 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Me too. It just feels like something that has to happen. And it would be weird if anyone else posted it.
[User Picture]
From:sovay
Date:November 25th, 2011 04:58 am (UTC)
(Link)
We played this earlier today, but thank you. It's not Thanksgiving without.

. . . excepting Alice . . .
[User Picture]
From:contradictacat
Date:November 25th, 2011 05:14 am (UTC)
(Link)
Thank you! I had almost forgotten.
[User Picture]
From:pecosy
Date:November 25th, 2011 08:06 am (UTC)
(Link)
I thought of you and looked for this. TRADITION!
[User Picture]
From:granuaile
Date:November 25th, 2011 04:29 pm (UTC)
(Link)
And now Thanksgiving is complete!
[User Picture]
From:batyatoon
Date:November 25th, 2011 08:08 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Alex and I were talking about this yesterday. And he pointed out, to our mutual delight, that there is a line in that song that's now obsolete.

"And if two people, two people do it ... in harmony ... they may think they're both faggots and they won't take either of them."
[User Picture]
From:cloudscout
Date:November 26th, 2011 09:32 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I am grateful for the fact that I forget about this every year. It's like a special surprise gift. Thank you, Uncle Spatch.
[User Picture]
From:chitzk0i
Date:November 30th, 2011 07:43 am (UTC)
(Link)
I missed hearing it on the radio this year! This made me smile.

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