January 16th, 2004
Dear Mr. UPS Guy Mans:
I realize it is really really really cold outside, and delivering packages on this day must be a job that you drew the short straw to get, but please at least wait 30 seconds between ringing the third floor apartment bell and leaving the snotty note saying "SORRY YOU WEREN'T IN, WE'LL COME BACK ON MONDAY AND DANCE THIS STUPID DANCE ALL OVER AGAIN."
Because I was in, and I was making my way downstairs when you left. I saw you heading down the walk as I opened the door. God dammit. I swear you ran around the corner when I undid the deadbolt.
I don't even know what's in this package, since I already got the package I was waiting for a few days ago, so I'm gonna be obsessing over this all weekend.
On a side note, I watched The Poseidon Adventure last night and things are still gently swaying back and forth when I sit upright and look at the computer screen. Yes, I was sober. Yes, I still am. I'm just ... swaying.
In this weather, that'd be a blessing! It means heat! We'd all gather around the pile of poo-flaming footwear, rub our hands together in the universal expression of Warming Up, eat Spaghettios hobo-style, and sing church camp songs.
I got the JOY, JOY, JOY, JOY, down in my heart...
DOWN IN MY HEART!
(and if the devil doesn't like it he can sit on a tack. . .)Ä
Be grateful he rang the bell.
I've been thinking of putting a sign on my front door saying, "The third floor is really really really far away from the front door. Please have patience after ringing the bell." It's ridiculous.
If I planned to live there longer than a few more months, I'd look into installing a little wireless intercom.
The sign is a really good idea, and quite concise in its explanation. I wouldn't need to add "And sometimes it's TOUGH to put pants and slippers on so HAVE PITY ON MY OLD SOUL."
I still don't know what I'm to receive that requires a signature.
Ah, always the optimist, I see.