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SLEEP BETTER AT NIGHT - EXCELSIOR, YOU FATHEAD!

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February 24th, 2009


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11:48 am - SLEEP BETTER AT NIGHT
I just enjoyed a tasty snack of peanut butter cups fresh from the vending machine. The inner cardboard liner had a message written on it: "Don't be sad. There are more cups out there."

And then I thought of a world without peanut butter cups and friends, that was a terrible world indeed. Could you imagine the fallout when word finally comes down the pike that there will soon be No More Peanut Butter Cups? And think of the protests, the signs, the tear gas, and then the hoarding. Oh, yes, friends, the hoarding. Case upon case stacked in someone's basement or storage unit, tantalizingly defying those of us with a yen for the Now Extinct but without the security code to the door. And that's where we gather. "Anybody got a blowtorch?" someone asks half in jest. But someone else begins to bang frantically on the doors, and the mob begins to howl...

Thankfully the little cardboard liner was there to reassure me and set my mind at ease. Fear not, world! There are factories out there that are still cranking out peanut butter cups mechanical hand over mechanical fist. They won't be going anywhere anytime soon. Unlike, say, those tasty little peanut butter cracker sandwiches that disappeared from our timeline after Biff stole the sports almanac that salmonella scare.

So go out and get some candy already. There'll always be more. The candy wrapper said so.

psst ivorjawa you might want to skip this post or else your blood pressure could spike

(11 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:ron_newman
Date:February 24th, 2009 05:37 pm (UTC)
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Is it safe to eat Reese's cups? I've been leery of anything involving peanut butter lately. I still see those peanut butter crackers at convenience stores, but I no longer buy them (and I used to buy them a lot).
[User Picture]
From:oonh
Date:February 24th, 2009 05:42 pm (UTC)
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yes, so says their press release.
[User Picture]
From:oonh
Date:February 24th, 2009 05:45 pm (UTC)
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though, according to the FDA's flash addled website, a confection called bear poop is affected by the recall.
[User Picture]
From:urban_faerie_
Date:February 24th, 2009 05:51 pm (UTC)
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peanut butter cups are just about the only snack i can't resist.... those and jelly beans. they are every bit as tasty and satisfying as they were when i was a kid. i would'nt want to live in a world without cheese or peanut butter cups!
[User Picture]
From:resk
Date:February 24th, 2009 05:58 pm (UTC)
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Fear not, world! There are factories out there that are still cranking out peanut butter cups mechanical hand over mechanical fist.

And, almost as importantly, there are factories still cranking out inner cardboard liners assuring us that there are more cups out there.
From:argentla
Date:February 24th, 2009 06:11 pm (UTC)
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after Biff stole the sports almanac

Shit, that's it, isn't it? It explains so much...
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:sanspoof
Date:February 25th, 2009 10:23 pm (UTC)
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Oh yeah! That's where Kelli must have seen it.
(She made a print.)
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:February 25th, 2009 10:48 pm (UTC)
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Actually, and I'm kinda scared that I know this, but that slogan appears on boxes of Ferrara Pan candies. They make Lemonheads and Atomic Fireballs and also used to be responsible for Cherry Clan, the candy with dubious Asian stereotypes baked right in!

They wrote the slogan on the inside lid of every box of candy, and then I think moved it to the case box. Or maybe it appeared in both places at once. Great slogan.
[User Picture]
From:batyatoon
Date:February 24th, 2009 11:56 pm (UTC)
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This made me happy.
[User Picture]
From:spwebdesign
Date:February 25th, 2009 12:16 am (UTC)
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And then I thought of a world without peanut butter cups

It's called "England."
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:February 26th, 2009 01:13 am (UTC)
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Aie!

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