It's just this little chromium switch, here... (derspatchel) wrote,
It's just this little chromium switch, here...

O sing to me Muse of porno cliches

There's an ad on the T currently for some continuing ed institution what wants to teach creative writing, obstensibly in the "write what you know" vein, to anybody who's got the money, time and inclination. Hey, fine, unleashing your inner creative dude is cool, can't knock a fellow for trying, but this is the sample that the ad gives (I'm paraphrasing, I admit):
Steve sighed as Mrs. Davis took the pizza box and closed the screen door behind her, disappearing into the steam. Some day, he hoped, she'd ask for more than just pepperoni.

$FOO SCHOOL OF WRITING: Turning delivery boys into authors.
You're kidding. With that dreck? You're offering classes for creative writing and your sample, as tongue-in-cheek as it may be, is as cliche as the day is long? This has to be some kind of elaborate joke. I can't believe they're really gunning for the segment of society who have longed for an outlet through which they can write Mary Sue-filled variations on the oldest porno scenarios ever. I thought part of the creative process involved some semblance of originality. I mean, perhaps instead of pizza, the delivery boy could be bringing a shipment of live mice to the lovely MILF (who apparently lives in a steam-filled house.) Nobody's ever thought of that before, I bet!

And the outcome would certainly be the same as Every Other Workman Seduction story, unless you write in that the container of mice gets knocked over in a moment of passion and they all escape and run around while the couple shrieks and tries to hide under the sofa cushions. Meanwhile, Henry Kissinger shows up with several cats, which he lets loose in the house. The cats catch and eat every mouse and then run out the door. Kissinger makes his own exit as well, but not before wishing the extramarital couple good luck (and also off-handedly apologizing for bombing Cambodia while he's at it.) Once the love scene is over, it is revealed that the mice in this story were an allegory for Christ.

There we go. Now there's something you can stick on the T. I'm sure you have other ideas, too, where one could stick it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to write a story about a very nice call center worker who gets stuck in an elevator with Nicole Kidman and the heating system goes haywire and it gets really hot so they have to remove a lot of clothing and lie down on the floor together.
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