July 9th, 2003
|02:54 am - OKAY NOW IT IS TIME FOR CAT TOWN|
HERE IT IS FOLKS THE LATEST AND GREATEST SHOW EVER
IT IS CALLED CAT TOWN AND THERE ARE A LOT OF PICTURES AND IT IS FILMED IN ALL-CAPS VISION
SO I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY OF YOU GO "OH NO SPATCH STOP YELLING" OR "SAY SPATCH WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING AND CAN I HAVE SOME"
AND NO WE DON'T HAVE A LOT OF FREE TIME ON OUR HANDS BECAUSE WE SPEND IT ALL DOING THIS
BUT ENOUGH OF THAT RIGAMAROLE
DEEDLE DOOT DOO DEE DEE
LET'S ALL GO TO CAT TOWN
DEEDLE DOOT DOO DEE DEE
IT'S TIME TO GO TO CAT TOWN
AND SEE EVERYTHING THAT'S GOING DOWN
FILMED IN ALL-CAPS VISION
HELLO AND WELCOME TO CAT TOWN, IT IS A TOWN WHERE EVERYBODY IS A CAT. I AM ITS GUARDIAN ANGEL. NOW LET'S GO SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH THE MAYOR
I AM THE MAYOR OF CAT TOWN. MY NAME IS MAYOR SAILOR SUIT CAT. I HAVE A SAILOR SUIT. TODAY I AM FACING A LOT OF TROUBLE
MAYOR SAILOR SUIT CAT THERE IS A LOT OF TROUBLE DOWN AT THE CAT FOOD FACTORY, THEY SAY all the cat food is stolen
THIS IS INDEED A GRAVE PROBLEM, I SHALL CALL EL GUAPO TO HELP
DID SOMEBODY CALL EL GUAPO?
EL GUAPO YOU MUST GO INVESTIGATE AT THE CAT FOOD FACTORY BECAUSE ALL THE FOOD IS STOLEN
OH MY I SHALL GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS RIGHT AWAY
el guapo BE CAREFUL I LOVE YOU
TO THE EL GUAPO MOBILE
(THE FIRST COMMERCIAL GOES HERE)
WE NOW RETURN TO CAT TOWN
MEANWHILE AT the cat food factory
OK GUYS HERE'S THE PLAN WHEN EL GUAPO GETS HERE WE HIDE BEHIND THE BAGS OF CAT FOOD AND THEN JUMP OUT AND CLOBBER HIM
THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD BOSS
HUR HUR HURRRRR
ALL RIGHT I AM NOW HERE AT THE CAT FOOD FACTORY TIME TO SOLVE THIS MYSTERY
HELLO EL GUAPO, I AM J. WELLINGTON CAT THE THIRD AND I OWN THIS CAT FOOD COMPANY
WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM, IMPORTANT BUSINESSMAN CEO CAT THE THIRD
LAST NIGHT SOMEONE BROKE INTO THE FACTORY AND STOLE ALL THE CAT FOOD WE HAD WORKED VERY HARD TO MAKE
I SEE WELL I'LL GO LOOK FOR CLUES
ALL RIGHT YOU GO DO THAT, I HAVE TO GO BECAUSE I AM LATE FOR AN IMPORTANT BUSINESS MEETING
he is my prime suspect
SSH EVERBODY HIDE HERE HE COMES
HEY WHAT'S GOING ON BEHIND THESE CAT FOOD BAGS
OH NO OUR HERO IS IN TROUBLE
THAT MEANS A COMMERCIAL COMES NEXT
AND NOW BACK TO CAT TOWN
A HUGE FIGHT, SHE BREAKS OUT
IT'S AN AMBUSH
HURR HURR HURR OOF
OUCH THAT HURT I DO NOT WANT TO FIGHT ANYMORE
WHO ELSE WANTS SOME
YOU ARE TOO MUCH FOR THE ANIMAL HAT GANG, WE GIVE UP
HOORAY I HAVE SOLVED THE MYSTERY OF THE MISSING CAT FOOD
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SOME DENOUMENT AFTER THESE MESSAGES
...AND THAT SOLVES THE MYSTERY OF THE MISSING CAT FOOD
EL GUAPO I DO NOT KNOW HOW YOU DO IT BUT THANK YOU FOR SAVING CAT TOWN
WE'RE SORRY WE WILL NEVER STEAL CAT FOOD AGAIN
AS A REWARD FOR HELPING US I WILL GIVE YOU MY DAUGHTER'S HAND IN MARRIAGE
I AM SORRY BUT I AM MARRIED TO THE SEA, SO LONG FOR NOW
THERE HE GOES RIDING OFF INTO THE SUNSET AGAIN
HEY GUYS SORRY I'M LATE
HOLY CRAP YOU'RE A HAND PUPPET
AND THAT'S THE WAY IT IS IN
A VERY SPECIAL PRODUCTION
BE SURE TO BUY OFFICIAL ABBIE THE CAT MERCHANDISE WHEREVER FINE GOODS ARE SOLD
I just found you again and already you're trying to kill me? I hate you, Milkman Dan.
|Date:||July 9th, 2003 06:16 am (UTC)|| |
but where was the stolen cat food?
Indeed. I mean, none of those cats looked like Disco, so jusst saying 'they ate it' isn't working for me unless their tummies double as interdimensional vortexen.
Much like the contents of the Pulp Fiction briefcase, we left the whereabouts of the cat food deliberately vague to let the viewer draw their own conclusions and (hopefully) argue about it on Internet message boards for years to come.
Although one member of the cat gang references the cat food!!!
|Date:||July 9th, 2003 03:03 pm (UTC)|| |
And a hyundai back atcha!
|Date:||July 10th, 2003 08:09 am (UTC)|| |
That was awesome
I'm now going home to dress my cats in little hats so they can be starz!
I WENT BACK TO THE VERY BEGINNING OF YOUR JOURNAL TO COUNT UP ALL OF MY COMMENTS THAT MADE ME NUMBER THREE ON YOUR LIST AND LO AND BEHOLD I ESPY THE VERY FIRST CAT TOWN THAT WENT ON TO BECOME INTERNET LEGEND
SO FAR I'VE ONLY COUNTED SIX COMMENTS OF MINE AND THIS MAKES SEVEN ALTHOUGH PERHAPS IT SHOULDN'T COUNT SINCE IT'S FROM THE FUTURE
Holy shit! I was just discussing the age of CAT TOWN with a friend of mine (who used to work at the Humane Society, so you're popular with pet helpin' groups) and she INSISTED that it existed in 2005. I was doubtful that it was that old, and in order to win the bet, I checked.
EIGHT YEARS?! Damn.