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July 9th, 2003


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02:54 am - OKAY NOW IT IS TIME FOR CAT TOWN
HERE IT IS FOLKS THE LATEST AND GREATEST SHOW EVER
IT IS CALLED CAT TOWN AND THERE ARE A LOT OF PICTURES AND IT IS FILMED IN ALL-CAPS VISION
SO I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY OF YOU GO "OH NO SPATCH STOP YELLING" OR "SAY SPATCH WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING AND CAN I HAVE SOME"
AND NO WE DON'T HAVE A LOT OF FREE TIME ON OUR HANDS BECAUSE WE SPEND IT ALL DOING THIS

BUT ENOUGH OF THAT RIGAMAROLE

DEEDLE DOOT DOO DEE DEE
LET'S ALL GO TO CAT TOWN
DEEDLE DOOT DOO DEE DEE
IT'S TIME TO GO TO CAT TOWN
AND SEE EVERYTHING THAT'S GOING DOWN
IN CAAAAAAT
TOOOOOOOWN



CAT TOWN
FILMED IN ALL-CAPS VISION


HELLO AND WELCOME TO CAT TOWN, IT IS A TOWN WHERE EVERYBODY IS A CAT. I AM ITS GUARDIAN ANGEL. NOW LET'S GO SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH THE MAYOR


I AM THE MAYOR OF CAT TOWN. MY NAME IS MAYOR SAILOR SUIT CAT. I HAVE A SAILOR SUIT. TODAY I AM FACING A LOT OF TROUBLE


MAYOR SAILOR SUIT CAT THERE IS A LOT OF TROUBLE DOWN AT THE CAT FOOD FACTORY, THEY SAY all the cat food is stolen


WHAT


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH


THIS IS INDEED A GRAVE PROBLEM, I SHALL CALL EL GUAPO TO HELP


DID SOMEBODY CALL EL GUAPO?


EL GUAPO YOU MUST GO INVESTIGATE AT THE CAT FOOD FACTORY BECAUSE ALL THE FOOD IS STOLEN


OH MY I SHALL GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS RIGHT AWAY


el guapo BE CAREFUL I LOVE YOU


TO THE EL GUAPO MOBILE

(THE FIRST COMMERCIAL GOES HERE)


WE NOW RETURN TO CAT TOWN

MEANWHILE AT the cat food factory


OK GUYS HERE'S THE PLAN WHEN EL GUAPO GETS HERE WE HIDE BEHIND THE BAGS OF CAT FOOD AND THEN JUMP OUT AND CLOBBER HIM


THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD BOSS


HUR HUR HURRRRR


ALL RIGHT I AM NOW HERE AT THE CAT FOOD FACTORY TIME TO SOLVE THIS MYSTERY


HELLO EL GUAPO, I AM J. WELLINGTON CAT THE THIRD AND I OWN THIS CAT FOOD COMPANY


WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM, IMPORTANT BUSINESSMAN CEO CAT THE THIRD


LAST NIGHT SOMEONE BROKE INTO THE FACTORY AND STOLE ALL THE CAT FOOD WE HAD WORKED VERY HARD TO MAKE


I SEE WELL I'LL GO LOOK FOR CLUES


ALL RIGHT YOU GO DO THAT, I HAVE TO GO BECAUSE I AM LATE FOR AN IMPORTANT BUSINESS MEETING


he is my prime suspect


SSH EVERBODY HIDE HERE HE COMES


HEY WHAT'S GOING ON BEHIND THESE CAT FOOD BAGS

OH NO OUR HERO IS IN TROUBLE
THAT MEANS A COMMERCIAL COMES NEXT


AND NOW BACK TO CAT TOWN
A HUGE FIGHT, SHE BREAKS OUT


ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


IT'S AN AMBUSH


PUNCH!


COUNTERPUNCH!


AAAAAAAAAAck


TAKE THAT


HURR HURR HURR OOF


AND THIS


OUCH THAT HURT I DO NOT WANT TO FIGHT ANYMORE


WHO ELSE WANTS SOME


YOU ARE TOO MUCH FOR THE ANIMAL HAT GANG, WE GIVE UP


HOORAY I HAVE SOLVED THE MYSTERY OF THE MISSING CAT FOOD

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SOME DENOUMENT AFTER THESE MESSAGES


hooray


...AND THAT SOLVES THE MYSTERY OF THE MISSING CAT FOOD


EL GUAPO I DO NOT KNOW HOW YOU DO IT BUT THANK YOU FOR SAVING CAT TOWN


WE'RE SORRY WE WILL NEVER STEAL CAT FOOD AGAIN


AS A REWARD FOR HELPING US I WILL GIVE YOU MY DAUGHTER'S HAND IN MARRIAGE


HOORAY


I AM SORRY BUT I AM MARRIED TO THE SEA, SO LONG FOR NOW


THERE HE GOES RIDING OFF INTO THE SUNSET AGAIN


HEY GUYS SORRY I'M LATE


HOLY CRAP YOU'RE A HAND PUPPET


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

AND THAT'S THE WAY IT IS IN


THE END
A VERY SPECIAL PRODUCTION


BE SURE TO BUY OFFICIAL ABBIE THE CAT MERCHANDISE WHEREVER FINE GOODS ARE SOLD

(10 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:byrneout
Date:July 9th, 2003 01:28 am (UTC)
(Link)
I just found you again and already you're trying to kill me? I hate you, Milkman Dan.
[User Picture]
From:karyn
Date:July 9th, 2003 06:16 am (UTC)
(Link)
but where was the stolen cat food?
[User Picture]
From:betweenstations
Date:July 9th, 2003 07:10 am (UTC)
(Link)
Indeed. I mean, none of those cats looked like Disco, so jusst saying 'they ate it' isn't working for me unless their tummies double as interdimensional vortexen.
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:July 9th, 2003 09:40 am (UTC)
(Link)
Much like the contents of the Pulp Fiction briefcase, we left the whereabouts of the cat food deliberately vague to let the viewer draw their own conclusions and (hopefully) argue about it on Internet message boards for years to come.
[User Picture]
From:betweenstations
Date:July 9th, 2003 01:34 pm (UTC)
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Although one member of the cat gang references the cat food!!!
[User Picture]
From:rigel
Date:July 9th, 2003 03:03 pm (UTC)
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AUDI!
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:July 9th, 2003 03:33 pm (UTC)
(Link)
And a hyundai back atcha!
[User Picture]
From:catrambo
Date:July 10th, 2003 08:09 am (UTC)

That was awesome

(Link)
I'm now going home to dress my cats in little hats so they can be starz!
[User Picture]
From:cheezdanish
Date:January 7th, 2009 04:50 am (UTC)
(Link)
I WENT BACK TO THE VERY BEGINNING OF YOUR JOURNAL TO COUNT UP ALL OF MY COMMENTS THAT MADE ME NUMBER THREE ON YOUR LIST AND LO AND BEHOLD I ESPY THE VERY FIRST CAT TOWN THAT WENT ON TO BECOME INTERNET LEGEND

SO FAR I'VE ONLY COUNTED SIX COMMENTS OF MINE AND THIS MAKES SEVEN ALTHOUGH PERHAPS IT SHOULDN'T COUNT SINCE IT'S FROM THE FUTURE
[User Picture]
From:fancycwabs
Date:July 18th, 2010 02:24 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Holy shit! I was just discussing the age of CAT TOWN with a friend of mine (who used to work at the Humane Society, so you're popular with pet helpin' groups) and she INSISTED that it existed in 2005. I was doubtful that it was that old, and in order to win the bet, I checked.

EIGHT YEARS?! Damn.

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