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December 12th, 2003


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12:28 pm - I BLAME THE FIDHFIDH
tyopsqueene has trumped all us Biblical Mary Sues with this:

A PERSONALIZED BIBLE WITH YOUR NAME RIGHT THERE IN THE SCRIPTURES!! Makes a great gift! It's just like those old storybooks you used to get with your name and your friend's name and stuff printed right in.
4. And lo, did Jesus spake unto SPATCH, speaking, 5. "It is good to see you, SPATCH, 6. here in SOMERVILLE, 7. and forget ye not that I died for your sins 8. as well as those of your friend, 9. FIDHFIDH."

10. "Even my CAT, ABBIE?" SPATCH did ask, 11. and Jesus replied, saying, 12. "Even ABBIE." 13. Then the four of them departed from this place, 14. and thence went to play BASEBALL, 15. this being SPATCH's favorite game.

(16 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


From:aussie_nyc
Date:December 12th, 2003 05:41 pm (UTC)
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I have a copy of the New Testament written in Yorkshire dialect.
From:aussie_nyc
Date:December 12th, 2003 05:49 pm (UTC)
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Invest in yourself or what a great gift for a friend or a family member -- saved or unsaved!

Please help me. I cannot breathe.
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From:derspatchel
Date:December 12th, 2003 05:52 pm (UTC)
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I thought we weren't supposed to have friends who weren't unsaved!

Also: Song of Songs is only included in Bibles for married couples. CHEEKY CHEEKY
From:aussie_nyc
Date:December 12th, 2003 05:54 pm (UTC)
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I was just reading Paul's Letter to Stacy and to the Ephesians. I hope the USPS doesn't hear about me opening other people's mail.
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From:derspatchel
Date:December 12th, 2003 06:04 pm (UTC)
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Paul's Letter to Penthouse Forum and to the Ephesians
Chapter 1

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus through the will of God, to Penthouse Forum and to the saints who are at Ephesus...

Finally, I get to use this joke in a decent context!
From:aussie_nyc
Date:December 12th, 2003 06:07 pm (UTC)
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Mary Magdalene's centerfold was in that issue, too.
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From:derspatchel
Date:December 12th, 2003 06:13 pm (UTC)
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HOT HOT FEET-WASHING ACTION
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From:betweenstations
Date:December 12th, 2003 08:44 pm (UTC)
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Yeah, but Paul was never into that kind of thing. He liked sneaking peeks under the other apostles' dresses.
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From:ctartchick
Date:December 12th, 2003 07:15 pm (UTC)
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Even when the unsaved heathen was dead in trespasses, God made the unsaved heathen alive together with Christ (by grace the unsaved heathen has been saved), and raised the unsaved heathen up with Him and made the unsaved heathen to sit with Him in heavenly places in Christ Jesus. (Eph. 2:5-6)

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, even we Baptists can enjoy the personalization of the Holy Bible. As shown above, the Word of God can be personalized in great quantity for all your friends who don't go to your church! Save your friends, torment your enemies! (and by the way, if you have any friends who don't already go to your church, you're going to hell.)
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From:ctartchick
Date:December 12th, 2003 07:16 pm (UTC)
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Disclaimer: See, we Baptists can too make fun of ourselves! ;-)
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From:betweenstations
Date:December 12th, 2003 07:44 pm (UTC)
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Well, you have everyone else's example of making fun of Baptists to follow!
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From:ctartchick
Date:December 12th, 2003 10:14 pm (UTC)
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Yeah, it's pretty much a "join in or go postal" kind of situation. :-p
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From:acsumama
Date:December 12th, 2003 11:36 pm (UTC)
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I wonder if their server keeps stats on what names people are typing in. It would be amusing to peruse.
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From:cheezdanish
Date:December 13th, 2003 12:56 am (UTC)
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That is awesome. It really is too bad that it's too close to Christmas to order one for my sister.
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From:hotdogboy
Date:December 13th, 2003 11:25 pm (UTC)
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isnt there something in the bible that says you shouldnt add or subtract from the text?

if so, arent these people going to hell for selling bibles?
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From:derspatchel
Date:December 14th, 2003 02:15 am (UTC)
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They actually try to explain this in the FAQ, but I don't think they did a very good job, because they're in the same league with the "We're only CLARIFYING this translation" crowd that like to mess with pronouns and stuff:
Scripture tells us in Rev. 22:18: "If anyone adds to these things, God will add to him the plagues that are written in this book." (NKJ). Isn't this adding to the scriptures?

The Personal Promise Bible does not add to the scriptures but rather clarifies the meaning of the scriptures much the same way that the Amplified Bible clarifies the meaning of the text.

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