It's just this little chromium switch, here... (derspatchel) wrote,
It's just this little chromium switch, here...

mary sue (king james version)

Once upon a time there was a boy named Spatch and he lived in a land full of people who were bad but Spatch wasn't bad but everybody was bad to Spatch and they made fun of him and it wasn't cool and he totally didn't deserve it but he was so handsome and tall that I guess they were just all jealous or something that's what mom says anyway one day Spatch was out working in his garden or whatever growing you know "plants" wink wink and there was this voice and it startled him because it was GOD and god said Hi there spatch, I have an important mission for you and Spatch said whoa ok sup god and God said everybody around here is wicked and mean except for you and maybe some of your friends so I'm going to flood the world with a lot of rain and let them all drown except for you and your friends because you're the cool ones and know where it's at oh and also I'm gonna save the animals cause they dont know any better, OK said Spatch but how are we going to be safe and God said Well listen it's easy, you're gonna build a big boat for me, and then you and your friends gotta go around and get all the animals and put them on the boat, I know it's hard work but you're cool enough to do it, right and Spatch said sure am and so he started building a boat and people started making fun of him, and then he and his friends like owen and beth and rabs and lions and you other guys too, everybody went to work gathering all the animals and someone tried to bring five cats on board and we could only bring two and when the two lions showed up they had already been beribboned and I don't know who did that and it was hard to find the prairie dogs but we managed and then some wiseacre had to ask well are we gonna bring the fish too and Spatch said no it's ok cause fidhfidh is already on board and then it started to rain and it rained a lot, it rained so much there was a big flood and everybody who was wicked and nasty drowned and spatch and his friends stood on the deck of the boat dancing a spirited hornpipe to the tune of the screaming of all those who had oppressed them, and then the boat took off and sailed around for a while cause there was nothing but water oh and someone forgot to bring the unicorns, that was sad, and finally after 40 days and 40 night spatch was like Oh yeah now I have to send a dove out and so he sent a dove out and it came back a few times and then it finally came back with an olive branch in its mouth and Spatch was like oh yeah, we found olives guys, now we can have martinis and the waters all suddenly receded and the boat was on top of a mountain and there was a rainbow because that was god's way of saying "sorry I had to do that, but I won't ever do it again and in return here is a pretty rainbow in the sky" and that's the end.

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