?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Spatch's Rule of Online Reviews - EXCELSIOR, YOU FATHEAD!

> Recent Entries
> Archive
> Friends
> Profile
> FREE ICE CREAM

January 29th, 2008


Previous Entry Share Next Entry
03:48 pm - Spatch's Rule of Online Reviews
IF, AT ANY TIME during an online review, the writer uses the phrase "To those people, I just want to say..." then you can safely stop reading the review without fear of actually running into something useful or constructive.

(16 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:resk
Date:January 29th, 2008 09:13 pm (UTC)

This applies when listening to anyone speak, as well . . .

(Link)
"It's a little something I like to call _______________."

Fill in an important term, like: The Constitution.
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:January 29th, 2008 09:22 pm (UTC)

Re: This applies when listening to anyone speak, as well . . .

(Link)
Oh, and any "true" story that uses "Let's call them Bob and Janet because those are their names" is probably not worth reading, either.
[User Picture]
From:granuaile
Date:January 30th, 2008 04:07 pm (UTC)

Re: This applies when listening to anyone speak, as well . . .

(Link)
WOOP WOOP WOOP E/N ALERT
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:January 30th, 2008 04:26 pm (UTC)

Re: This applies when listening to anyone speak, as well . . .

(Link)
SO I JUST DISCOVERED MY GIRLFRIEND... HAY INTERNET LOOK WHAT I DID THERE I SAID I HAD A GIRLFRIEND DID YOU KNOW I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND I DO YES INDEED AND I DO HER ALL THE TIME AND YOU DON'T
[User Picture]
From:cursethedark
Date:January 29th, 2008 09:22 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I wrote about half a movie review once, and I think it contained that line. But that was at the end, so you'd already read through the good stuff at that point.

"The good stuff" consisting of one joke: "Johnny Knoxville, semi-professional stuntman and arch nemesis of Charles Darwin..."
[User Picture]
From:resk
Date:January 29th, 2008 09:25 pm (UTC)
(Link)
"The good stuff" consisting of one joke: "Johnny Knoxville, semi-professional stuntman and arch nemesis of Charles Darwin..."

To those people, who don't think that's a good joke, I just want to say, "Tara Reid: World Renowned Archeeologist."
[User Picture]
From:byrneout
Date:January 29th, 2008 09:23 pm (UTC)
(Link)
"Am I the only one who...?"

It's a lead-pipe cinch that whatever follows will contain not an iota of original thought, humor or insight -- and that would be fine, almost, if the author weren't so damnably proud of his own cleverness. I get angry when friends use this conceit, because I don't like what it says about my judgement of character.
[User Picture]
From:resk
Date:January 29th, 2008 09:28 pm (UTC)

Not completely on topic, but

(Link)
It drives me nuts when I'm walking past someone with my take-out lunch and they say, "Ooooh! What'd you get me for lunch?!?"

I've taken to telling them what I've gotten them for lunch, and then attempting -- always in vain -- to give it to them.

It's a terrible, stupid "joke." Stop telling it, and I'll stop offering you my friggin' lunch, lady.
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:January 29th, 2008 09:50 pm (UTC)

Re: Not completely on topic, but

(Link)
That's about on par with the ol' supermarket chestnut "My item didn't scan? Then it must be free!"

As one who worked the cashier trenches for a while, I can tell you that one got old the second time I heard it.
[User Picture]
From:plumtreeblossom
Date:January 29th, 2008 09:58 pm (UTC)

Re: Not completely on topic, but

(Link)
The one I hate at convenience stores is "Do you want a small bag?"

NO MOFO I WANT AN ENORMOUS GIGANTIC COLOSSAL WORLD'S-RECORD-BREAKINGLY HUGE BAG BECAUSE THE 18 ITEMS I JUST BOUGHT HAVE NO POSSIBLE CHANCE OF FITTING INTO YOUR STUPID SMALL BAG
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:January 29th, 2008 10:00 pm (UTC)

Re: Not completely on topic, but

(Link)
Maybe they're trying to deal you drugs on the side!
[User Picture]
From:ron_newman
Date:January 30th, 2008 02:13 am (UTC)

Re: Not completely on topic, but

(Link)
I thought the alternative to "a small bag" is "no bag", and that's what I often choose.
[User Picture]
From:mmcirvin
Date:January 30th, 2008 02:45 am (UTC)
(Link)
If the first word in an essay is "Webster's" you can stop reading immediately.
[User Picture]
From:pushupstairs
Date:January 30th, 2008 01:13 pm (UTC)
(Link)
unless the next sentence begins with "George Papadopolis", in which case you must read the complete document.
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:January 30th, 2008 04:25 pm (UTC)
(Link)
C:\TRU.DAT
[User Picture]
From:pushupstairs
Date:January 30th, 2008 08:29 pm (UTC)
(Link)
victory be thine.

> Go to Top
LiveJournal.com