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September 13th, 2007


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03:07 pm - HELLO I AM YOUR E-GUIDANCE COUNSELOR
HELLO SPATCH
(HELLO JORB WEBSITE)
HERE ARE JORBS FOR YUO
(OH AWESOME THX)

1. LOTTO MACHINE BALL PICKER-OUTER
2. HELICOPTER (NOT HELICOPTER PILOT, JUST HELICOPTER)
3. SALT SOMMELIER
4. ALPHABET RESEARCH & DEVELOPMENT (WE NEED NEW INNOVATIONS ON THE LETTER "G")
5. BOMP IN THE BOMP-SHA-BOMP-SHA-BOMP PUTTER-INNER
(REQUIRES 2 YEARS OF RAM IN THE RAM-A-LAM-A-DING-DONG PUTTING-IN OR EQUIVALENT EXPERIENCE)
6. AUTHOR, THE BOOK OF LOVE
7. JEEP WRANGLER
8. LOUD SHOUTY GUY ON A TRAFFIC ISLAND
9. BURL IVES IMPERSONATOR
10. LOUD SHOUTY BURL IVES IMPERSONATOR ON A TRAFFIC ISLAND
11. MOVIE THEATER SEAT KICKER
12. CAPS LOCK INVENTOR
13. GUY WHO WRITES A WEBSITE PROGRAM THAT TELLS PEOPLE WHAT THEIR JORBS SHOULD BE

THANK YUO FOR USEING OUR FINE PROGRAM TODAY
HAVE A GOOD CAREER
(NO, YOU HAVE A GOOD CAREER)

(45 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


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[User Picture]
From:kpht
Date:September 13th, 2007 07:23 pm (UTC)
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Effing brilliant, as always.
[User Picture]
From:misquoted
Date:September 13th, 2007 07:26 pm (UTC)
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This bud's for you. You are the Original Real Man Of Genius.
[User Picture]
From:cheezdanish
Date:September 13th, 2007 07:28 pm (UTC)
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Oh baby you knoooooow what I like!
[User Picture]
From:markm
Date:September 13th, 2007 07:31 pm (UTC)
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ha ha "jeep wrangler". Awesome
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:September 13th, 2007 07:34 pm (UTC)
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There's a lot of free-roaming jeeps out there, man! Someone's gotta keep 'em all together!
[User Picture]
From:resk
Date:September 13th, 2007 07:31 pm (UTC)
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THIS HEP YUO FIND G JORBZ.
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:September 13th, 2007 07:59 pm (UTC)
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I WOULD LIKE TO WORK AT GET NICE HOLDINGS
GETTING NICE HOLDINGS IS ALWAYS NICE!
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:allicat42
Date:September 13th, 2007 08:45 pm (UTC)
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I hear the Atlanta Hawks are always scouting.... can't understand WHY. (Go Celtics!!!! oh. wait.)

The Falcons might need a new quarterback.
And the Patriots have an open position or two...
[User Picture]
From:maga_dogg
Date:September 13th, 2007 07:34 pm (UTC)
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You win.
[User Picture]
From:fancycwabs
Date:September 13th, 2007 07:35 pm (UTC)
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5. BOMP IN THE BOMP-SHA-BOMP-SHA-BOMP PUTTER-INNER
(REQUIRES 2 YEARS OF RAM IN THE RAM-A-LAM-A-DING-DONG PUTTING-IN OR EQUIVALENT EXPERIENCE)


I'd like to shake your hand!
[User Picture]
From:stealth_cat
Date:September 13th, 2007 07:35 pm (UTC)
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LOL! I just made that my status message!
[User Picture]
From:redtheblue
Date:September 13th, 2007 07:35 pm (UTC)
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It shows up in lists like that now, but loud shouty Burl Ives impersonator on a traffic island is one of the top growth industries in the nation.
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:September 13th, 2007 07:41 pm (UTC)
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Indeed it is. I mean, when you come down to it, which would you rather hear while stuck at a red light:

"HEY MISTER I'LL SQUEEGEE YOUR WINDSHIELD FOR A QUARTER"

or

"I'M A LITTLE WHITE DUCK SITTING IN THE WATER, A LITTLE WHITE DUCK, DOING WHAT I OUGHTER"
[User Picture]
From:sdn
Date:September 13th, 2007 07:37 pm (UTC)
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i love you. will you marry me?
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:September 13th, 2007 08:06 pm (UTC)
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Okay! But I think MARRIER was a little bit lower on that list!
[User Picture]
From:pirogoeth
Date:September 13th, 2007 07:37 pm (UTC)
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11. MOVIE THEATER SEAT KICKER

I knew it!!! I knew people were paid to do that!! :O
[User Picture]
From:28bytes
Date:September 13th, 2007 07:54 pm (UTC)
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I believe it's an apprenticeship-type thing. For every professional seat-kicker there are dozens of unpaid novice seat-kickers in training.
[User Picture]
From:gwynethfar
Date:September 13th, 2007 08:10 pm (UTC)
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5. BOMP IN THE BOMP-SHA-BOMP-SHA-BOMP PUTTER-INNER
(REQUIRES 2 YEARS OF RAM IN THE RAM-A-LAM-A-DING-DONG PUTTING-IN OR EQUIVALENT EXPERIENCE)


Seriously, I don't think I've laughed this hard in a WHILE. Great jorb.
[User Picture]
From:amandaruth2001
Date:September 13th, 2007 08:46 pm (UTC)
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Genius on top of more genius. Thank you!


[User Picture]
From:modpixie
Date:September 13th, 2007 08:18 pm (UTC)
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you know, i'd pay to see you take over "lottery live". (i can just see you in one of dawn whatsername's dresses. WHAT?)
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:September 13th, 2007 08:44 pm (UTC)
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I've always harbored a secret desire to be the person who draws the lottery numbers every night. Seriously. Those little machines that blew the ping-pong balls around fascinated me as a kid. The little spinning wheels that eventually slowed down, not so much.

But my god! The ping-pong blowing thing with the little vacuum shunnnnk! sound and the bizarre holder that let you rotate the ball around so the camera got a good view of the number, YES! Please let me use that on TV, television people! I promise I won't read the numbers wrong!!

Hell, I'd settle for one at home!
[User Picture]
From:atothek
Date:September 13th, 2007 08:19 pm (UTC)
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And for this evening's salt selection we have sea, iodized, kosher, Hawaiian, pretzel and margarita.

[User Picture]
From:zrblm
Date:September 13th, 2007 10:02 pm (UTC)
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I'll have the '76 Minneapolis road salt please. Coarsely ground.
[User Picture]
From:antikythera
Date:September 13th, 2007 08:44 pm (UTC)
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I want to be a helicopter when I grow up.

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