It's just this little chromium switch, here... (derspatchel) wrote,
It's just this little chromium switch, here...
derspatchel

PLEASE REMOVE ME FROM YOUR ROOSTER

What fresh hell is this in my inbox?

To: Spatch
From: The Twitter mailing list you didn't realize you'd been placed on even though you opted out of anything and everything when you created your account to grab the username
Subject: i had jello today hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Hello Twitter-ers!

Does today seem shorter to you? Yesterday was the Summer Solstice
which means it was the longest day of the year for us Northern
Hemisphere dwellers. It also means summer is officially upon us.
Twitter is ready for your summertime updates. What are you doing?
Visit URL WENT HERE BUT LJ KEEPS PARSING IT AS A LINK STOP THAT AND GIVE ME BACK MY GODDAMN TOP NAV BAR ALREADY and answer!
Good jumpin jellybeans, but it looks as if someone got their Newsletter degree from the School of Scholastic Children's Magazine Blurb Writing. It also feels as if Twitter is trying to talk down to me here, but they're not doing a very good job of it. THIS is how you write a Scholastic Children's Magazine blurb, guys:

Hey there, hot doggers! Are you beginning to feel a bit chilly? Did you just see a snowflake fall? That's because winter's on the way and when that happens, things on our side of the world begin to turn cold! Don't worry, it won't be cold forever. It will warm back up in the spring. But in the meantime, think of all the fun things you can do in the winter. How do you have winter fun? Do you make snow angels? Do you drink hot cocoa? Or does your family live where there isn't any snow? What do you do then? Write to us at HOT DOG! and let us know! If we print your letter, you will receive a free HOT DOG! pin. So put on those mittens and start writing!

There we go. I should've been in publishing twenty-five years ago. Interviewing Marty Ingels on his role as the voice of the cartoon Pac-Man was my birthright, goddammit! I swear!

Now it's off to log in to that infernal fad machine and figure out how to be removed from this rooster.
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