November 13th, 2003
|09:38 am - Count to ten|
Hey gang, let's play the latest and greatest fun-time super game of all time:
WHY WON'T SPATCH'S CAR START?
And now, here's the host of WHY WON'T SPATCH'S CAR START, Linda Wertheimer! YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!
OH THANK YOU FOR THAT LOVELY INTRODUCTION AND WELCOME TO "WHY WON'T SPATCH'S CAR START", THE GAME SHOW WHERE OUR CELEBRITY PANEL AS WELL AS THE PLAYERS AT HOME TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHY SPATCH'S CAR WON'T START.
NOW I THINK YOU ALL KNOW THE RULES, SO LET'S START PLAYING! FIRST GUESS!
IZZIT THE BATTERY?
OH NICE GUESS BUT NO, IT IS NOT THE BATTERY. THAT'S ONE DOWN AND 14 TO GO.
IS IT WATER IN THE GAS LINE OR MAYBE IN THE CARBURETOR?
OH, SORRY. SORRY. NOT QUITE RIGHT. TWO DOWN, 13 TO GO.
IS IT, LIKE, THE ALTERNATOR?
NO YOU SHAMELESS POT SMOKING HUSSY, IT IS NOT, LIKE, THE ALTERNATOR, THREE DOWN AND 12 TO GO
IS IT BECAUSE SOMEONE POPPED HIS HOOD AND STOLE THE SPARK PLUG WIRES AND CAPS?
OH NO FAIR NORMAN FELL, YOU CHEATED
WELL, YOU JUST WON A FREE STAY AT THE PARKING SPOT ACROSS FROM THE GARAGE AND A FEW DAYS' WORTH OF WAITING TIL THE PARTS ARRIVE. THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR PLAYING "WHY WON'T SPATCH'S CAR START", I'M LINDA WERTHEIMER SAYING, AS ALWAYS, FUCK YOU SOMERVILLE
Aw. That sucks, but it's funny as hell when you put it like that.
I figured I better start early on the "one day I'll look back on all of this and laugh" thing, or else risk an ulcer or worse.
|Date:||November 13th, 2003 03:17 pm (UTC)|| |
Eeeagh, Normen Fell lives in Somerville!
it happens to all the best people. I remember my mum having an abslute fit over not being able to start her car at all, until she discovered that someone had stolen the battery. Really.
And if you like that story, don't forget to run out to the shops and purchase the hilaroius sequel: Narrow Squeak: OR - The day teh mice chewed through my dad's car brake cables.
Fishy, I love you. And I mean that in a total, platonic, non-brake cutting way.
Oh, goodness. Do I have a semi-pet karma (well, animal karma) story related to that whole mouse under the hood thing. Heeeagh.
Some desperate mother fucker stole your spark plug wires and caps?! I didn't even know those had resale value. Christ a'mighty.
|Date:||November 13th, 2003 04:40 pm (UTC)|| |
They probably did it just to be a shit.
Someone decided to slit both of my driver's side tires the day before street cleaning once.
|Date:||November 13th, 2003 05:27 pm (UTC)|| |
Buncha blippity-blipping criminals in this town, I tell ya (he says, looking at the stereo-shaped hole in his console and window-replacement-shaped-hole in his wallet).
|Date:||November 14th, 2003 01:36 am (UTC)|| |
Norman Fell is the muthafuckin' illuminati; didn't you know that already?
Anyway, glad you figured out what the hell happened. Too bad it's going to cost too much to fix. Cars suck. Mine spontaneously dies on me while on the highway. I haven't driven it in about a month, thanks to my dad's spare car. Going to attempt to sell it, buyer beware.
That reminds me. Want to buy a '96 Grand Am? Runs good, high miles!