LOWES IS OPENING BRAND NEW LOCATIONS ALL UP AND DOWN THE COAST! BRAND NEW STORES TO SHOP AT! HUZZAH HUZZAH HUZZAH!
oh yeah and also our state's proposed constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage was totally defeated but that's just some picayune bit of news that goes on the front page under the BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG AD that says LOWES IS OPENING BRAND NEW LOCATIONS EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!1111