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May 29th, 2007


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11:21 am - chaos ensues, and the 80s begin
Dear Helen Hayes Theater,

Hi there! What production do you have that's currently in previews?

Signed,
Spatch
Dear Spatch,

Why, thank you for asking! Currently in this prestigious theater space is XANADU: THE MUSICAL. Let's see what our PR flacks have said about it: Xanadu is "...a musical love story about the Greek muse Clio, who descends from Mount Olympus to Venice Beach, California in 1980 to inspire a struggling artist, build the first roller disco and save the world—all while roller skating! But when her forbidden love with a mortal threatens to complicate things, chaos ensues—and the '80s begin."

Wow! Sounds great, doesn't it? We look forward to a June 26th opening. And just before you ask: yes, we are using the original songs from the original movie; no, Olivia Newton-John and Michael "The Warriors" Beck will not be performing in their respective roles as muse and frustrated album cover painter. And Gene Kelly's dead.

Signed,
The Helen Hayes Theater
Dear Helen Hayes Theater,

Gee, thanks for reminding me about Gene Kelly. I've had enough bad news already today. But hey, I'd go see this crazy confrabutraption of yours. Do you expect the show to still be running in mid August?

-Spatch
Dear Spatch,

Ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Well, our box office claims to sell tix as far out as Labor Day weekend, but, uh. Ha ha ha ha ha.

-THH
Hey Helen Hayes,

Er, how exactly does a theater laugh?

-S.
Spatch,

Obviously you weren't around the night they closed Carrie: The Musical.

END OF LINE

(11 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:resk
Date:May 29th, 2007 04:33 pm (UTC)
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I love that they chose to call it XANADU: THE MUSICAL. Since, ya know, XANADU was a musical.
[User Picture]
From:fancycwabs
Date:May 29th, 2007 04:35 pm (UTC)
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You have to believe we are magic!
[User Picture]
From:babs_the_nymph
Date:May 29th, 2007 04:46 pm (UTC)
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I just had to google that to be sure you weren't kidding. On reflection, why in the world would you make something like that up?

To be fair, the movie was one of my favorites when I was a wee tyke. However, I recently saw it again at a friend's house and hoo boy did it not age well! It was early 80s unicorn vomit.
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:May 29th, 2007 05:16 pm (UTC)
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Holy cats, "unicorn vomit" is an incredible phrase and evocatively perfect. S'gotta be used more, I say! More!
[User Picture]
From:hemlock_martini
Date:May 29th, 2007 04:52 pm (UTC)
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AHHHHH THE HELEN HAYS THEATER SPEAKS WITH DAVID WARNER'S ELECTRONICALLY-DEEPEND VOICE AAAHHHH AHHHHHHHHH

Hay Spatch: in your opinion, say in a screenplay that already takes cultural potshots at the creative failings of Disney, would it be much too much referencing if a nebbishy badguy had a big TRON video desk and the evil robot that is really running the show ends their conversation with "END OF LINE"? It's either that or "END COMMUNICATION" which is a Simpsons reference.
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:May 29th, 2007 05:20 pm (UTC)
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I'd say go for END OF LINE. It's a two-percenter (well, okay, let's be fair and say it's about a twenty-percenter) but as long as the rest of the scene hasn't been full of Major Pop Culture References Galore, and the character won't use the David Warner Electronic Voice Deepener, I bet you'd be okay.
[User Picture]
From:ron_newman
Date:May 29th, 2007 05:08 pm (UTC)
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What, this is not the musical version of Citizen Kane ?
[User Picture]
From:kyree
Date:May 29th, 2007 05:23 pm (UTC)
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Holy crap, that's hilarious. Like it wasn't bad enough as a movie...
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:May 29th, 2007 05:31 pm (UTC)
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I love the movie version, I really do, but mostly it's love for Gene Kelly. That he won't be in this show makes me sad.

But hey! The guy who's directing this show also directed the Elvis "All Shook Up" jukebox musical, so when it comes to appropriating existing works to try and make a Broadway musical out of 'em, this is his bread and butter!
[User Picture]
From:kyree
Date:May 29th, 2007 05:33 pm (UTC)
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My love for Gene Kelly mostly makes me watch Singin' in the Rain and An American in Paris (and Cover Girl, which if you haven't seen it is adorable and has a fantastic dance sequence!) repeatedly and try to avoid train-wrecks like Xanadu.
[User Picture]
From:fancycwabs
Date:May 29th, 2007 07:23 pm (UTC)
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Nobody went to see "All Shook Up" when it toured through Memphis, so I'm not optimistic.

You could wait a couple months and score some tickets for Young Frankenstein and start a trend where everyone in the audience whinnies at "Blucher."

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