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EXCELSIOR, YOU FATHEAD!

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March 5th, 2007


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02:49 pm - nota bene
For those of you eager separatists, supporters and spectators wishing to attend the re-enactment of the Boston Massacre this evening at the Old State House on King Street, it should do you well to keep these important points in mind:

1. Kindly refrain from telling the King's soldiers to "go home" or "back to where you came from." What with Boston being part of a British colony and all, they are home.

2. Likewise, refrain from calling the soldiers "damned bloody English." You are all English subjects yourselves, even if you do lack Parliamentary representation. A more fitting epithet to hurl would be "lobster" or "lobsterbacks", taking into derisive consideration the colour of the soldiers' uniforms.

3. Feel free to take sides; one mustn't always support the actions of a few hot-headed boys eager to start another fight. Perhaps you sympathise with the soldiers and wish the common rabble would cease their complaining and learn to live as good subjects of the King.

4. On the other hand, you may wish to support the young men in their endeavours. Those damn'd soldiers have gone and abused an innocent wigmaker's apprentice; they ought to get what's coming to them.

5. And for heaven's sake, whatever you do, don't be the one to yell "Fire!" That's not your job.

6. Oh, and once the guards fire into the rabble, don't fall on the ground yourself and holler "OH NOS THEY GOT ME TOO, FETCH FORTH THE BACTINE, PRUDENCE." Such behaviour is most unseemly and besides, Bactine hasn't been invented yet. Also, you probably won't be allowed into the Old State House for cookies and cider afterwards.


God save the King.

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:phonemonkey
Date:March 5th, 2007 08:25 pm (UTC)
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I want to go there! And play one of the baddies!
[User Picture]
From:jimmystagger
Date:March 6th, 2007 04:32 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Up the rebels.
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:March 6th, 2007 05:32 pm (UTC)
(Link)
There has got to be a movie made out of that style. Awesome.

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