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EXCELSIOR, YOU FATHEAD!

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February 25th, 2007


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08:57 am
THIS PHONE IS TAPPED
(I'm tappin' that phone on the side like it was a pinball machine. HONK HONK!)

Last night I was walking home up College Ave when I watched some Papa John's delivery driver nearly blow through the Morrison red light. It was solid red for a reason: three older Chinese folks, two women and a man, were in the process of crossing with the WALK light. The delivery car screeched to a halt in the middle of the intersection. This quite naturally pissed the man in the crosswalk off.

"YOU STOP!" he hollered at the car. "YOU SEE THE LIGHT IS RED? THE LIGHT IS RED! YOU STOP!" He looked to be in his late 40s, so he definitely knew he had authority over the younger, most likely stoner driver.

The delivery driver said something, I couldn't tell what. Or maybe he said something with his finger. The guy responded "NO! YOU ARE WRONG! YOU STOP WHEN THE LIGHT IS RED!"

They finished crossing the street and the driver began to go thru the intersection even though the light was still red. As he passed, the driver bade the pedestrian farewell, and I'm gonna presume it involved an ethnic slur, because it set the fellow off like a roman candle. He flew into one hell of a rage.

"YOU BASTARD!" he screamed. "I'LL BEAT YOU!" And then -- it's been a long time since I've seen someone act so quickly out of pure, unadulterated anger -- he rushed towards the car, which unfortunately had the advantage of speed on its side. So the guy stooped down, picked up a chunk of ice, and just hurled it, in sheer frustration, in the general direction of the car. It was the angriest throw I've ever seen. He missed, of course, and the ice shattered on the street, and the two women quickly took the guy aside to calm him down and get him to walk away from the scene.

It happened in the space of, oh, maybe 45 seconds. I thought of calling Papa John's and letting them know their driver nearly had his rear window smashed in with a chunk of ice for very good reason, but decided not to. I don't order from them anyway; their pizza gives me the toots.

(9 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:February 25th, 2007 03:57 pm (UTC)
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Was it around 7:30?
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:February 25th, 2007 04:02 pm (UTC)
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Maybe he lost half your order after another rogue chunk of ice took out his side door. Something about the way the guy hollered "I'LL BEAT YOU!" made it sound like this wasn't finished yet, oh no, not by a long shot.
[User Picture]
From:pushupstairs
Date:February 25th, 2007 03:15 pm (UTC)
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IJLS "the toots".
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:February 25th, 2007 03:44 pm (UTC)
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My great-aunt Melba used to say that a lot. I guess her metabolism wasn't the greatest.

Nice bit, by the way.
[User Picture]
From:plumtreeblossom
Date:February 25th, 2007 03:54 pm (UTC)
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I love how you catalogue moments like this. :-)
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:February 25th, 2007 04:00 pm (UTC)
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That's all life's made up of. Moments. There's stories all around if you notice 'em. Some of them you have to look hard to find (or at least listen intently) but others just screech up in front of you.

Shit, all I need now is a paragraph or five about a plastic bag caught in the wind, and this is American Beauty: The LJ Comment.
[User Picture]
From:r_ness
Date:February 25th, 2007 05:18 pm (UTC)
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That kind of shit happens to me all the time.

The ethnic slur, I mean.

Fuckers.
[User Picture]
From:invisibelle
Date:February 25th, 2007 07:55 pm (UTC)
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Ha. I've been meaning to post about similar occurrences. I am not particularly prone to road rage, but I do get some pedestrian rage when drivers don't yield when they're supposed to. I am totally feelin' this guy.
From:inq
Date:February 26th, 2007 02:09 pm (UTC)
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that place on somerville ave. has some of the worst drivers i have ever seen. if i'm headed down that way and see one of their cars peeling out of the gooool! plaza parking lot, i just stop and let them go. if you don't, they could wind up tailgaiting you for the next mile or so and beeping when you fail to run stop signs.

i like my hot pizza as much as the next guy, but papa's drivers are a menace on the streets of somerville.

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