Now the horses are approaching the starting gate, and THERE THEY GOOOO!
And it's Stoogehand going to the front, Cabbage is second on the rail, Beautiful Linda third by a length, and Feitlebaum. Around the first turn Stoogehand is still in front, Cabbage is second by a head (CABBAGE BY A HEAD!!) Beautiful Linda is third, and Feitlebaaaaum.
Into the back stretch, Dogbiscuit is now leading the pack, Lady Eveline is second, very close, Banana is coming up through the bunch (BANANA COMING UP THROUGH THE BUNCH!!) and Feitlebaaaum.
At the half, Stoogehand still out in front, Apartment House is second with plenty of room, Assault is passing Battery (ASSAULT AND BATTERY!!) Notary Sojac is fourth, and in last place by ten lengths, I believe it is, yes, it is, Feitlebaaaaaum.
Around the turn, heading for home, it's Stoogehand and Dogbiscuit and Girdle in the stretch. Flying Sylvester is third and Mother-In-Law nagging in the rear (ARRH ARRH ARRH!!)
And now they come down to the wire, and it's number one and now number two, and it's very close, it'll either be a photo finish or an oil painting, and now Louis leads with a left, and Louis is in there slugging, and it's a battle, and now they are tearing hair, there's hair all over the ring, there's hair all over the place, I don't know whose hair it is--
AND THERE GOES THE WINNERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!