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December 3rd, 2006


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12:18 pm - HOW TO MAKE A SUCCESSFUL QUIZ MEME
1. Determine what personal aspect hasn't already been exploited by previous memes -- or just rip one off from another quiz anyway. Regardless of the originality, the aspect you select should be one that some people like to yammer on and on about; you're merely making this yammering easier and standardized.

2. Write a bunch of questions that must be answered with one of two responses. These responses will be at the opposite ends of their contextual spectrum and transparent enough so that the savvy quiz-taker can easily tell which answer to choose in order to get the results they want.

3. Set up the quiz so it's spread over as many different pages as possible, so that you get as many Google ads hits as possible. (What's that? You didn't put Google ads on your quiz pages? Then what's the point? Go back to Step 1 and start over, or find something else to do. I hear there's some pretty funny lipsync videos on YouTube.)

4. Write up all the possible results that could come from this quiz. Make sure that most of the results are very complimentary, as more people are bound to gleefully share with their friends list that some computer-generated quiz said they were super-duper S-E-X-X-Y sex machines than the people who were told they're cold fish with even less sex appeal than Ann Coulter.

5. Congratulations! You are: Almost Finished! For your final step, present your results with large tables, a horrible color scheme, and self-hosted images that will refuse to load and hang everybody's browser when your meme becomes too popular. Bonus points if you can mess up the poster's layout and/or style with some crappy HTML (hint: closing tables and table elements is for sissies!) Extra bonus points and a special place in hell if you sneak in an </lj-cut> tag at the top to foil those pesky meme-hiders.

6. Sit back and watch the results take over LiveJournal and vicinity. Then remember how much extra you have to pay for bandwidth overages each month. Eh, don't worry, another meme will come down the pike in three weeks or so and yours will be forgotten.




You're welcome!

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