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November 10th, 2006

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05:58 pm - Jack Palance isn't dead; he's just sleeping it off
The man, the myth, the legend. Gone.

In honor of the man (though admittedly it's a very loose definition of the word "honor") I present the following sketch from the MST3K episode "Outlaw" (or "Outlaw of Gor"), a film which featured Mr. Palance in a role as a "freakin' wizard":


MIKE: Guys! Guys! Guys!

CROW & SERVO: What? What? What? What?

MIKE: Look what I got! It's Jack Palance's book on the making of today's movie: "Palance on Palance: Believe It Or Not!"

SERVO: Wow! Cool!

CROW: Cool! Lemme read it! Let's see... "Day one. Missed call. Partied all night with that platinum midget fella and Urbano. Still having trouble seeing straight."

MIKE: "Day three. Missed call. Wandered into shot yesterday and they decided to keep it." What the heck does "Avanti! Avanti!" mean? Servo?

SERVO: Okay! Okay! Okay! "Day five. Missed call. After four days of shooting, finally got script today and guess what? I'm not playing Thomas Aquinas. I'm supposed to be some kind of freaking wizard!"

CROW: "Day eight. Missed call. Just can't get cancelled series 'Bronc' off my mind. Why?! Why?! Can't keep anything down. Not sleeping."

MIKE: "Day nine. Missed call. Went to the village with Jeanna. My voice scares little Italian kid. Spent entire per diem on bunch of... crap."

SERVO: Okay! Okay! Okay! "Day ten. Missed call. I think I... I think I killed a man today? More later?"


SERVO: Ooh, gee Mike. I think that's enough!

MIKE: I don't think I want to know anymore!

CROW: Hey guys! A whole chapter on "Tango and Cash"!

SERVO: Pictures! I want pictures!

MIKE: "Saw Russell's butt today!"

CROW: Hee hee hee!

(10 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:November 10th, 2006 10:59 pm (UTC)
[User Picture]
Date:November 10th, 2006 11:05 pm (UTC)
Oh nooooo..that's terrible. I always thought he was too ornery to die.
Date:November 10th, 2006 11:05 pm (UTC)

RIP, Bill Hicks

We're the bullies of the world, you know, selling arms to these countries and then blowing the shit out of them. We're like Jack Palance in the movie Shane, throwing a pistol at the sheepherder's feet.

"Pick it up."

"I don't want to pick it up, mister, you'll shoot me!"

"Pick it up."

"Look, mister, I don't want no trouble. I just came into town to get some hard rock candy for the kids, and some gingham for the wife. I don't know what the hell gingham is, but she goes through about three, four rolls a week of that stuff. I don't want no trouble."

"Pick up the gun."


"You all saw it. HE HAD A GUN."
[User Picture]
Date:November 10th, 2006 11:16 pm (UTC)

Re: RIP, Bill Hicks

Oh, nice invocation of Bill Hicks there too.
[User Picture]
Date:November 10th, 2006 11:29 pm (UTC)
I gave my boyfriend at the time a copy of his book of poetry that came out around 1996 or so. Probably one of my most romantic gestures ever.
[User Picture]
Date:November 11th, 2006 12:04 am (UTC)
So the main guy in that film was named... "Cabot," I believe.

Seems to me that one of Joel's invention exchanges involved a gas mask that could turn any voice into Jack Palance.

"I bought... a shovel today. It's price... seventeen dollars."
[User Picture]
Date:November 11th, 2006 01:10 am (UTC)
To me he'll always be the crazy guy in "Solar Crisis": "I've forgotten what my name is... I know it began with an ARRRRRRRRRR!!!"

Also, classic science-fiction writer Jack Williamson has died at the age of 98.
[User Picture]
Date:November 11th, 2006 02:16 am (UTC)
It hasn't been a very good year to be old and connected with sci-fi.

Every day I say a little prayer for Forrest Ackerman.
[User Picture]
Date:November 11th, 2006 04:11 am (UTC)
all these pennsylvanians that live til 90 or so are dying at the same time.

not cool.
Date:November 11th, 2006 08:44 am (UTC)
Thanks to you, Sarcasma made us watch that.

"Gravy boat." Hee.

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