October 17th, 2006
|01:32 pm - escaped from behind a friend's friendslocked entry|
Turns out our anti-terrist fighting in Afghanistan is being complicated by giant marijuana plants.
Time to call in the heavy artillery, man...
SARGE: Good gravy, this operation's going to take all the manpower we've got. Phillips!
PHILLIPS: SIR YES SIR!
SARGE: Arms report!
PHILLIPS: Six water pipes, five dugouts, one case of Zig Zags with two rolling machines, and someone brought along this little one-hitter that looks just like a cigarette, SIR!
SARGE: Fine work, Phillips. And a fresh supply of clean screens too, I presume?
PHILLIPS: SIR YES SIR!
SARGE: Excellent. Adams?
ADAMS: Butane lighters fueled and at the ready, SIR!
SARGE: Great. A/V Squad?
HOWARD: Thirty-six hours of Phish albums and bootlegs ready to go, sir, and a DVD of The Wizard of Oz cause I hear we can totally sync it up with A Picture of Nectar.
SARGE: Timing them just right will be your detail, Private Howard. Munchie Team Bravo! Report!
WEINSTEIN: It was hell, sir, but we've managed to procure all the Ben & Jerry's from the commissary we could hold, plus a ton of beef jerky and this new Pepsi Jazz stuff.
SARGE: As long as there's some New York Super Fudge Chunk in it for me, private, your efforts will not have been in vain.
WEINSTEIN: Don't you worry, sir, I got you covered!
SARGE: Now listen up, men. We're going to hit the enemy and we're going to hit them hard. Then we'll hold our position. You hear that? First hit hard, then hold. But don't hold too long, you hear? And once we've taken hits for liberty and freedom, then, my squad, we'll chillax! That's right, we will chill and we will relax, at the very same time! And that's an order!
CARSON: Sarge! Sarge! Oh my god, I've got to get to Sarge!
SARGE: Carson in Recon! What've you found?
CARSON: Oh, bad news, Sarge, bad news, oh we're in the shit for sure.
SARGE: Snap out of it, Private Carson, what's your report?
CARSON: The plants, Sarge... we just checked them out, sir... they're all male! Right, Powers?
POWERS: Carson's right, sir, you couldn't get a buzz off 'em even if you put bees in 'em first!
SARGE: My. God.
CARSON: Sarge, this mission is a total failure. We gotta fall back now or the ice cream will melt! What're your orders, sir? Sir?!
SARGE: God damn those terrorists... god damn them all to hell!!
yeah, this was going for the obvious joke, but it felt so good
"We tried burning them with white phosphorous -- it didn't work. We tried burning them with diesel -- it didn't work. The plants are so full of water right now ... that we simply couldn't burn them," he said.
I love that quote. Also the phrase, "Impenetrable 10 Foot Forests of Marijuana."
|Date:||October 17th, 2006 06:14 pm (UTC)|| |
someone call the daily show.
History of the World, Part I
Only a miracle could save them now!