It's just this little chromium switch, here... (derspatchel) wrote,
It's just this little chromium switch, here...
derspatchel

[villains] yes, another CoV thing

Yes, another City of Villains post. I swore I had a filter around here somewhere, but it hasn't been updated in a while, so maybe if you want to be on ze filter shoot me an "aye" or sumpin.

The Spammer meets Doctor Hunk

I forgot to include this amazing conversation The Spammer had last night with some other player he didn't know. I don't normally roleplay with the characters, as A. some characters are more conducive to just "running around hitting things" than others and B. I find a lot of the Co* roleplayers annoying as all hell and too serious about things. I'd prefer to have fun, thank you very much, than stand around being all angsty and shit about a backstory or love interests or having furry cybersex in Pocket D or whatnot.

and honestly, who the hell goes "Hooray! An online videogame set in a contemporary comic book universe of superheroes and villains! This is the PERFECT place for me to have anonymous poorly-spelt Internet fake lesbian skunk sex!" I mean, seriously, people. Aren't there IRC channels or something for this? You can't go into Pocket D without running into someone kneeling in front of someone else in a corner. Thanks for the RP immersion!

So it came to pass that last night The Spammer received this message from a character whose name has been altered slightly just on the off-chance he likes to ego google or whatever:
Doctor Hunk: u wana team mish lvl 24 6 mms
This may look like one hell of a Craigslist Casual Encounters headline, but for the benefit of those who do not speak MMORPG, here's a rough translation of his message:

"Would you like to join my team of villains and run missions together? There are six of us, all Masterminds, and we are all around level 24."

Now the first problem here is that this team is made up entirely of Masterminds. Masterminds don't need to team; in fact, they're the easiest class to solo in the game because they bring their own team with them. At level 24, a mastermind will control a maximum of five henchmen, each of which are at a combat level comparable or just below his. And frankly, the game's performance is gonna drop significantly if you've got 36 players and their pets running around in a mission -- and if I brought that total to 42, it'd just be nuts.

So after the third time Doctor Hunk sent me a tell, I decided The Spammer needed to reply. And when I'm given MMORPG dumbspeak (I hate the term "mish", sorry, I do) I usually tend to respond in a much more verbose fashion. Suddenly I was channelling The Monarch in my reply.
Spammer: My unstoppable army of robots are team enough for me! We are currently busy instituting our own reign of terror among the innocent citizens of Sharkhead Isle!
Didn't take long for Doctor Hunk to get the message.
Doctor Hunk: so is that a yes
Um... well, dude, not really. But maybe he didn't get the gist. Let's try again.
Spammer: My diabolical deeds are mine and mine alone to accomplish! No one else must know of my nefarious plans... until it is TOO LATE!
The reply was almost instantaneous.
Doctor Hunk: shall I take that as a yes then
There's no "facepalm" emote in the game, but there really should be.

So then, a small break of character, while staying in character. I'd had a lot of Venture Bros dialogue running in my head.
Spammer: Nah, I'm cool. You, uh, go on with your bad selves.
Thinking that was the end of it, I continued my unstoppable reign of terror. Then a giant yellow tell popped up in my window:
Doctor Hunk: very well, my team shall crush our enemies on our own, and the beasts within us rise up to smash all opposition, and our pets will feed on their entrails.
Doctor Hunk: hey, that felt pretty good, no wonder you like talking like that!
I have to admit I laughed, right there, and nodded approvingly. The dude's elevator may not have gone all the way up to the top, but it sure stopped at the right floor.
Spammer: Yeah, invigorating, isn't it? Really fires up the troops. Sometimes I write a little speech out on a 3x5 card before I go into battle. Give myself bonus points for using words like 'lamentations' and 'unquenchable bloodthirst.'
Didn't hear back from Doctor Hunk after that, but that was probably because he was too busy creating entrails for his pets.

But it's always great to go off in the name of "baffling 'em with bullshit" and having someone else decide to play along, even if for a little bit. And that's what the Internet is ALL ABOUT.
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