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October 1st, 2003

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06:53 pm - Fuck you, Hoyle
I have to stop playing this computer Gin Rummy game. Because even at the "Beginner" level it's trouncing me left and right. And I know I'm not that bad a Gin Rummy player, because I seem to remember not doing so badly among actual human people. But here with this game I feel like a seriously pissed-off Jessica Tandy, ready to snap and tell Hume Cronyn to go fuck himself.

And the bad part isn't that I'm losing in Gin Rummy. The problem is that it's one thing to be screaming "FUCK YOU" at a computer opponent who always knocks at the right time, or is one card away from gin whenever I knock so I score pfiffly-shit, but it's another thing when my opponent is a goddamn cartoon bear.

"Oh ho ho, that's the card for me!" he chortles as he draws from the discard and goes out.

"This is sweeter than honey!" he says after trouncing me in yet another game.

"What'd I ever do to you?" he whines, when I click the "INSULT OPPONENT" button (yeah, there is one) and hit him with a pie in the face. (Yeah, that happens.)

And the only thing that makes this miserable self-assessment about my skill at computer card games even worse is that the dinosaur keeps skunking me in Cribbage.

(2 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:October 2nd, 2003 04:01 am (UTC)
My suggestion:
Championship Spades.
There's no "INSULT OPPONENT" button, but you can win at least 2/3 of the time.
Date:October 2nd, 2003 12:21 pm (UTC)
Where are you playing this game? I think I'm in the mood to get my ass kicked by a cartoon bear.

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