It's just this little chromium switch, here... (derspatchel) wrote,
It's just this little chromium switch, here...
derspatchel

There are certain things in this world that are tasty.
There are certain things in this world that are deep-fried.

Deep Fried Oreos, however, are not tasty, nor should they be deep-fried in the first place. They have no place in a deep-fat fryer, much less an amusement park, unless perhaps the Oreos (non-fried) have been crushed up and put into Cookies & Cream ice cream or something.

I'm not really surprised to see them at an amusement park, though. Parks are rife with novelty food, from Dippin Dots ("The Ice Cream of the Future!") to Barvarian Nuts ("See 'Em Made!") to those sundaes in crazy hotdog form. Sometimes we get ourselves a bona-fide hit from the novelty food, like hot dog buns or ice cream cones, but other times we get shit that you'll eat once in your life, and you might just be doing it if only to tell people years on down the road "Oh, yeah, I remember that fad. Had it once. Never again." Such is the case with the deep frying fad.

It's not just Oreos, though. You can also get deep fried Twinkies. I haven't tried them. I probably won't. I mean, not after the Oreos. They cost $2.99 for six -- okay, that's fifty cents a cookie. Consider how many you get in a pack for $2.99 at the supermarket, consider the park probably gets 'em for much cheaper, and realize what a tidy profit margin they got there even including staff pay, fat, and batter. Anyway, you'll probably only want one really. During frying, the Oreo cookie sogs out. The creme (lard) filling dissolves into the cookie. And you're left with this warm black mush encased in batter and it's not even tasty warm black mush. Perhaps I was expecting something along the lines of warm devil's food cake, or delicious pudding cake, but I didn't get that. I got untasty Oreo goop that leaked, color-wise, through the deep frying. It looked like the stuff inside was burnt. No good.

And then there was the powdered sugar. All over. No good. And every time I tried the ol' Annie Hall sneeze joke, I got more of it over me than over everything else. Perhaps that's part of the joke, but hey. It at least got rid of some of the powdered sugar. Didn't help, though.

I had two. That's all I could stand. I think someone else took one for me out of pity but I ended up with three deep fried Oreos that I couldn't even give away. And I didn't wanna give 'em to kids cause you know, there's already enough childhood trauma in the world that I don't need to voluntarily contribute more. "I guess that's why they call it disposable income," it was said, as the plate plonked in the trash can.

On the plus side, we came up with a smashing idea for Knoebels -- Deep Fried Anything. That's right, for just $20 you can deep-fry anything your heart desires in our clean, piping hot deep fat fryers! (Object must fit in our Fryer-Size-Guide before you fry.) I think it'd be a hit.



Come on, everybody, it's Gibbon Time!
We're the Goodies, how d'you do?
We've just been down to the zoo
We saw a monkey in a cage
Doing a dance that could be the rage
It's not hard, so let's all do
The Funky Gibbon - oo oo oo!
Do! Do! Do! The Funky Gibbon! (The Funky Gibbon!)
We - are - here to show you how! Oo-oo-oo!
Oo - oo - oo the Funky Gibbon (The Funky Gibbon!)
He's just like you, so come on do the Funky Gibbon now

Dogs are always howlin
Cats are always yowlin
But gibbons only like to sing and dance (boop boop sho boop)
You be like that monkey
Get a little funky
And in a while you'll start to smile, gibbon half a chance

Do! Do! Do! The Funky Gibbon!
We - are - here to show you how! Oo-oo-oo!
Oo - oo - oo the Funky Gibbon (The Funky Gibbon!)
He's just like you, so come on do the Funky Gibbon now

Do do do the Funky Gibbon
Oo oo oo the Funky Gibbon

G - the world would be good
I - know how nice it could
B - with just a little gibbon take (la la la la)
B - just like that gibbon
O - you'll feel the rhythm
N you'll groove and dance up to the Planet of the Apes

Do! Do! Do! The Funky Gibbon!
We - are - here to show you how! Oo-oo-oo!
Oo - oo - oo the Funky Gibbon (The Funky Gibbon!)
He's just like you, so come on do the Funky Gibbon now

Oo oo oo the Funky Gibbon
Oo oo oo the Funky Gibbon
Oo oo oo the Funky Gibbon
Oo oo oo the Funky Gibbon

Now everybody get ready to do the Funky Gibbon!
Drop one arm down by your knees
Let the other arm reach up to the trees
Oo oo oo the Funky Gibbon
Let your wrist go limp like a bent baboon
And get ready to sing this gibbon's tune
Oo oo oo the Funky Gibbon

Now will you give me an oo? "oo!"
Will you give me another oo? "oo!"
And will you give me an oo? "oo!"
Put them together and what have you got?

oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo

Do! Do! Do! The Funky Gibbon!
We - are - here to show you how! Oo-oo-oo!
Oo - oo - oo the Funky Gibbon (The Funky Gibbon!)
He's just like you, so come on do the Funky Gibbon now

Oo oo oo the Funky Gibbon
Oo oo oo the Funky Gibbon
Oo oo oo the Funky Gibbon
Oo oo oo the Funky Gibbon

And for me, some scarlet gibbons, scarlet gibbons for my hair

Funky Gibbon!
oo oo whoop whoop whoooo...
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