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EXCELSIOR, YOU FATHEAD!

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February 24th, 2006

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10:43 am
The little packet of string cheese I got today has the following message for us all:
SAFETY FIRST! OPEN WITH HANDS, NOT TEETH

The bottle of apple juice warns me:
DO NOT REUSE
and also:
SE HABLA ESPANOL
But that's the only Spanish on the bottle.

The chocolate milk bottle advises:
KEEP REFRIGERATED

Sadly, the box of paper clips has no rules or warnings, though it helpfully tells me the clips are ZINC-COATED. There's not enough room either to write in your own caveats, such as NOT FOR USE IN ELECTRICAL SOCKETS. So consider yourself warned: if you use these paper clips, you're taking your life into your own hands.

(12 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:

From:dcart
Date:February 24th, 2006 04:13 pm (UTC)
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"ZINC-COATED" is a sure invitation to eat them if you think you're getting a cold.
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From:bedfull_o_books
Date:February 25th, 2006 01:23 am (UTC)
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Sqweee. Get out of my brain!
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From:oonh
Date:February 24th, 2006 05:52 pm (UTC)
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There was a extremely old extension cord that I played with when I was much younger. I'd put two paperclips in the sockets, twist them together, stand back, and plug it in and watch it go 'foom'. I probably could have used eye protection.
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From:orionsmom
Date:February 24th, 2006 06:15 pm (UTC)
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Wow! That beats my best friends little sister who cut the stereo wires with a pair of scissors.
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From:oonh
Date:February 24th, 2006 06:18 pm (UTC)
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The sparks were very pretty.
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From:derspatchel
Date:February 24th, 2006 07:15 pm (UTC)
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I blew a fuse in kindergarten by unfolding a brad fastener and sticking it into an outlet. I remember a pop and the lights went out and the subsequent 4-year-old trauma that went with it, and then the janitor tied some string around the brad and pulled it out before replacing the fuse.

Fun times.
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From:bedfull_o_books
Date:February 25th, 2006 01:28 am (UTC)
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My friend had a rabbit that chewed through the refrigerator cord. Sparks everywhere. It survived, but was never allowed out unsupervised again.
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From:mdm_sosostris
Date:February 24th, 2006 06:16 pm (UTC)
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Yeah, these sorts of things always remind me of Wonko the Sane. When mankind starts requiring directions on its toothpicks, 's time to retreat into the asylum.
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From:jodied
Date:February 24th, 2006 07:20 pm (UTC)
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Oh thank you for the warning i was just about to shove a whole box of paperclips in the socket. Now I won't!
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From:derspatchel
Date:February 24th, 2006 08:17 pm (UTC)
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OH THANK HEAVENS
MY LIVEJOURNAL IS NOT IN VAIN

PSST QUICK, DON'T CHEW GLASS
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From:bedfull_o_books
Date:February 25th, 2006 01:26 am (UTC)
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But what if I had a really bad day and *want* to eat the whole jar in one sitting? What if I promise not to drive anywhere after doing so?
From:(Anonymous)
Date:March 6th, 2006 06:41 pm (UTC)

Tweezers are cool too!

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I was babysitting my little sister when I was a teenager and she was maybe 3 or 4. She stuck a pair of metal eyebrow tweezers into an outlet--a perfect fit! It slightly melted the end of one tong and left a little black smoke stain on her finger. At first, I'd thought she was burned but it washed off.

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