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January 10th, 2006


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02:53 am - A Ramen Story
GENERIC SPICY CAJUN RAMEN: Hi I am spicy ramen look out for me I taste like cajuns!
ME: Spicy Cajun Ramen! Ha! So-Called Spicy Cajun Ramen! You are not spicy for me! Look at how I eat whole bowlsful of you and not quake with spicy fear! Your flavor would not be exciting even a single endorphin! Run and hide and weep, you weepy not spicy ramen thing! I have no more time for your mildness!
ANOTHER SPICY RAMEN: Hello I am another spicy ramen made by another brand that usually makes ones that taste like roast beef or I don't know Oriental Flavor whatever that means
ME: Ha ha ha! Another Loser Ramen! Like the pathetic Spicy Cajun before you, you are not spicy, you are weak! Look at how I am simultaneously eating you and use you for eyewash at the same time! Weak! Go back to your weak house on Weak Street!
RAMEN HOT: I have heard of you. I am Ramen Hot.
ME: More like Ramen Not, I am willing to wager! Ha! Do you see what I did there? Let me continue to make jokes at your expense while I cooking you up on the stove!
RAMEN HOT: Do not forget to put the spice packet in the boiling water as you cook the noodles.
ME: I shall feast upon your false spiciness tonight, and then sing anti-praises of your worthlessness!
RAMEN HOT: We shall see.
ME: Any last words before you are prepared to be mocked, Ramen Hot?
RAMEN HOT: Vegetable packet includes shiitake mushroom, pepper, onion, dehydrated.
ME: Whoa, wait a minute, I can see the oil separating in the water.
RAMEN HOT: That is the spicy. For I am Ramen Hot.
ME: It's completely coated the noodles! They make the noodles taste of spicy!
RAMEN HOT: Milk cannot help you now.
ME: I'm feeling it under my eyes!
RAMEN HOT: Do not handle mucous membranes after partaking of Ramen Hot.
ME: I don't even want to try and drink the broth!
RAMEN HOT: Drink the broth.
ME: I can't!
RAMEN HOT: DRINK THE BROTH.
ME: Oh my god why did I drink the broth
RAMEN HOT: Laughing now? You should laugh elsewhere!
ME: Gaaagh, you win! I am surrender! You are too much for me, Ramen Hot!
RAMEN HOT: Now you know better than to mock the Ramen Hot. My work here is done.
ME: And why did I have this at 2 AM?

(27 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:surrealestate
Date:January 10th, 2006 08:13 am (UTC)
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And why did I have this at 2 AM?

Heck, it's even keeping *me* up. ;)
From:vito_excalibur
Date:January 10th, 2006 08:15 am (UTC)
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Curses! Now you have made me hungry for ramen!
[User Picture]
From:dogofthefuture
Date:January 10th, 2006 08:24 am (UTC)
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Zantac: Dude. It's coooool.
[User Picture]
From:spwebdesign
Date:January 10th, 2006 08:25 am (UTC)
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You must let me know the brand name of this ramen hot. It's like moving up a level — ramen hot conquered the Spatch, but can he conquer me. It would require an advanced level of spiciness unheard of in ramen.
[User Picture]
From:antikythera
Date:January 10th, 2006 01:43 pm (UTC)
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May I accompany you on your quest to win back derspatchel's honor from this impertinent Ramen Hot? My own exploits in the restaurants of Koreatown and the supermarkets of Little India are nigh legendary.
[User Picture]
From:phonemonkey
Date:January 10th, 2006 08:42 am (UTC)
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Was it one of those deadly Korean ones?
[User Picture]
From:annilita
Date:January 10th, 2006 02:12 pm (UTC)
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Dude. I use half a flavor packet on most of those and they still kill me. And I'm not a spiciness wussy.
[User Picture]
From:antikythera
Date:January 10th, 2006 02:29 pm (UTC)
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Mmm... I like Nong Shim's kimchi ramen.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:antikythera
Date:January 10th, 2006 03:03 pm (UTC)
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Hee. When I was at university and working in an observatory, I'd keep those on hand in my room to warm up after winter observing sessions.
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:January 10th, 2006 04:29 pm (UTC)
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Indeed, it was Nong Shim. It is amazing and I am buying more. I boiled more water than I needed to, and still it was hot like wow.

[User Picture]
From:phonemonkey
Date:January 10th, 2006 04:19 pm (UTC)
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I haven't seen the kimchi flavour here, but I like the Nong Shim Cup in the bright red packaging.

Very good stuff provided you don't think about the fat or sodium.
[User Picture]
From:antikythera
Date:January 10th, 2006 04:22 pm (UTC)
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The red cup is good too. That and the kimchi in the green envelope are the only ones I've tried, because the rest aren't vegetarian.
[User Picture]
From:jackbishop
Date:January 10th, 2006 09:14 am (UTC)
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Dude, the serious Asian brands don't fuck around. The Mee-Jang and Sun Lee Tom Yum flavors are pretty good as stuff with instant flavor packets go, but they will kick your ass and make you cry for your mama. Appropriately enough, the Mee-Jang flavor packets are imprinted with something bearing a passing resemblance to a biohazard symbol.
[User Picture]
From:crankyliberal
Date:January 10th, 2006 12:24 pm (UTC)
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"Now you know better than to mock the Ramen Hot"

I think this is my new tagline, or "That is the spicy, for I am Ramen Hot"
[User Picture]
From:jodied
Date:January 10th, 2006 12:56 pm (UTC)
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AW! Poor Spatch!
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From:chanaleh
Date:January 10th, 2006 01:12 pm (UTC)
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Battle of the Hotness! Aiieeee!
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:January 10th, 2006 04:45 pm (UTC)
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Is it Yogurt Hot?
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:January 10th, 2006 07:30 pm (UTC)
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I don't know, I can see bright orange oil floating to the top.
From:amusings_bnl
Date:January 10th, 2006 03:28 pm (UTC)
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that was one of the funniest things i've ever read. special thanks to universal hub for picking this one up for us.

From:heyes
Date:January 10th, 2006 03:36 pm (UTC)

ditto

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This should be a flash animation, or a Strongbad adventure.
[User Picture]
From:mybadhairlife
Date:January 10th, 2006 04:04 pm (UTC)
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First there was Spatch vs. Ants, now there's Spatch vs. Hot Ramen.

Obviously you need to quit your day job and get into battling full time, because the world needs more Spatch vs. anything!
From:revolution724
Date:January 10th, 2006 05:35 pm (UTC)
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OMG, you slay me. Much like the Ramen Hot undoubtedly would, were I not far too much of a spiciness wimp to try it.
[User Picture]
From:antiquated_tory
Date:January 10th, 2006 09:57 pm (UTC)
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Hilarious, esp the eyewash line!
I think this is one of the Korean brands you had. There's one store here that has them, and the various commenters are right--that stuff doesn't muck about! And the dried veg bits actually look nice.
Was in Korea for a month and developed quite a taste for them. Am very happy to have the only store in Prague that carries them located a 15 min walk away.
[User Picture]
From:amandaruth2001
Date:January 11th, 2006 12:18 am (UTC)
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Thank you, Mr. Spatch. :)

[User Picture]
From:heliophage
Date:January 13th, 2006 05:51 am (UTC)
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Nong Shim is the shit. I buy it by the crate!

Well, okay, once every six months, but still.
[User Picture]
From:hotpoint
Date:January 22nd, 2006 09:07 pm (UTC)
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I've got a few bowls of Nong Shim that I will never be able to consume and live. Uncertain age. Free for the taking.
[User Picture]
From:campion7
Date:February 22nd, 2006 07:54 pm (UTC)
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*bad flashbacks to when she was living in Iowa*

I lived on ramen while I was out there. So I can relate to this. (Especially the 2AM bit.) :)

*giggle*

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