It's just this little chromium switch, here... (derspatchel) wrote,
It's just this little chromium switch, here...

This is why I hate the Foxwoods Jingle.

  1. It's only one notch of annoying above the Arbor Mist dude playing Also Sprach Zarathustra on his stupid blender, and the "HURR HURR I LIKES TEH SPEARMINTS" dude in the Listerine Pocket Pack commercial.
  2. They showed it on nearly every commercial break during the Sox game tonight.
  3. It's catchy as all hell and gets in your head rather easily and won't go away.
  4. It attempts to impart a fine, sophisticated, Rat Pack-esque sheen on a tacky casino -- admittedly the largest in the world, sure, but nowhere near as classy as they make it out to be. Every time I've been to Foxwoods I've seen it full of retirees and tourists and some of the meanest compulsive gamblers who ever glared at me as I walked by their row of slot machines.

So with that in mind I wrote my own lyrics.

Nothin' but
Tinted hair 'n
Rhinestone studded
Sweatsuit wearin'
Grandmas screechin
"Where'd my pension gooooo?"
Keno numbers all in teens
Keep away from my machines
Grandkids' trust fund
Leaks like a sieve
Yeah, let's go
Cause we don't haaaave long to live!
(see you at Fox-woods!)

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