From: spatula@kona.javanet.com (tv's Spatch)
Subject: Requiem for a real lightweight
Date: 1996/05/24
Message-ID: <4o566t$ibs@kona.javanet.com>#1/1
organization: Roritor Pharmaceutical - Makers of Stummies
newsgroups: alt.stupidity.spatch,alt.stupidity
One of my gerbils is no longer among the living.
Foopee, two and a half years old, died last night or some time thereabouts.
Or some time yesterday and I didn't notice until I came home last night
and saw his brother Cabot chewing merrily away on his dead flesh.
Gerbils are SO stupid. *smack* Get away from him, you dumb gerbil,
chewing him ain't gonna bring him back to life.
Foopee lived an exciting and adventurous life, escaping from the old
fishtank cage no less than three times. Once, he got out and ran around
the front parlor until he disappeared under the floorboards and ended up
in the basement, huddling by the furnace. It's not certain if he ever
fully recovered from that experience, but it's kinda moot now cause he's
dead and stuff.
Anyhow, services were today when I dug a small hole in the side garden
and put him in it and refilled it. I would have included a cardboard
tube, one of his favourite possessions, but Cabot had already chewed it up.
Like I said, gerbils are SO STOOPID. In lieu of flowers, Cabot requests
you get a cardboard tube and chew it up yourself. He's really kinda dumb.
Foopee is survived by his stoopid brother and his two parents, who are
over at Dawn Townsend's. But if Cabot continues to be stoopid, I'm just
going to feed him to the cat and get it over with. Ok, I won't, I'm
being mean to him and I should be nice cause he just lost his brother and
stuff, and he's probably going through the grief process right now. But
that still doesn't explain why HE CHEWED ALL THE FUR OFF OF FOOPEE'S
RIGHT SIDE AND PULLED SOME OF HIS INNER ORGANS OUT, I MEAN, THAT'S
REALLY ICKY AND STUFF AND NOT NECESSARY AT ALL. If there's a government
probe into this and it's found that Cabot killed Foopee or something,
I'm going to really feed him to the cat.
Anyhow. Back to your lunches.
--
tv's Spatch, MSTie #43790 and undisputed something-or-other
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