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EXCELSIOR, YOU FATHEAD!

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August 29th, 2005


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11:40 pm - 30 gigs nearly down the drain
Being an exciting story of drive transfers between computers and the wacky romantic entanglements that can ensue.

CHAPTER 1

COMPUTER: Hey I see there's a disk drive here.
ME: Yes.
COMPUTER: Wanna mount a partition?
ME: Yes, please.
COMPUTER: I'm gonna format it now.
ME: Wait, what
COMPUTER: Formatting: 1%
ME: NO NO NO NO NO NO STOP STOP STOP WHAT ARE YOU DOING
COMPUTER: Looks like something got messed up.
ME: No shit something got messed up. Where was my confirmation dialog that says "OH HEY DO YOU WANT TO FORMAT THIS?"
COMPUTER: I dunno.
ME: I want my data back.
COMPUTER: Well...
ME: I want my data back NOW.
COMPUTER: Let's put things into proper perspective here.
ME: I want my data back NOW, YOU WHORE
COMPUTER: On a scale from one to fucked...
ME: Yeah?
COMPUTER: You're fucked.
ME: Goddammit.
COMPUTER: Should've run backups.
ME: Should've kicked you inna teef when I had the chance.
COMPUTER: I don't have teeth.
ME: And you don't have a decent OS, either. Oh well. At least my loss is just one drive with some game installs, edited images, nothing I can't easily replace.
COMPUTER: Well, actually...
ME: What.
COMPUTER: This was the drive with your MP3s, coaster designs, pinball tables you'd been working on since 2001, the Jean Shepherd episodes you hadn't finished burning to CD...
ME: No.
COMPUTER: Not my fault.
ME: Okay, so you just nuked the FAT32 information first. You didn't wipe everything clean. There has to be a chance of some kind of recovery.
COMPUTER: You should have been making backu--
ME: I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL SHOVE THIS HEX BIT SCREWDRIVER RIGHT UP YOUR PRIMARY IDE CHAIN IF YOU FINISH THAT WORD.
COMPUTER: --ps.
ME: THAT'S IT
COMPUTER: Don't hurt me, I have a wife and three TTYs%Connection closed by foreign host.

CHAPTER 2

ME: Hey there, powerful disk recovery utility.
POWERFUL DISK RECOVERY UTILITY: Hello. Is there some partition information you'd like me to fuck around with?
ME: You know it.
COMPUTER: Hey, that utility just ended a sentence with a proposition. Some super powerful utility that is.
ME: Listen, do you want me to set fire to your RAM chips?
POWERFUL DISK RECOVERY UTILITY: Hey, I found this partition that somehow had its information messed with.
COMPUTER: Wonder how that happened.
POWERFUL DISK RECOVERY UTILITY: You want I should make it as it was before?
ME: You know it, G.
COMPUTER: He calls everybody G. Don't feel so awesome about it.
POWERFUL DISK RECOVERY UTILITY: Ding! Fries are done.
ME: Aw, thanks! You're the best!
POWERFUL DISK RECOVERY UTILITY: Think nothing of it. Looks my work here is done, time to go back to my home planet ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP
COMPUTER: Hey, you stole that from your own Cat Town episode.
ME: Yeah, the one you nearly nuked.
COMPUTER: If anybody wants me, I'll be in the corner sulking.
ME: I'll make a note of that.
COMPUTER: And leaking memory.
ME: Whatever, hooker.

fin

(20 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:minkrose
Date:August 30th, 2005 04:15 am (UTC)
(Link)
oh no... :hug:

seems to be one of those days, really.
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:August 30th, 2005 04:36 am (UTC)
(Link)
there is a chapter 2 and I think it's a happy ending
[User Picture]
From:minkrose
Date:August 30th, 2005 05:15 am (UTC)

*is enthralled*

(Link)
w00t!@
well, then you have everyone else beat. I dont think my friend ever fixed his mechanical difficulties and my printer DEFINITELY won't install (it's on. it's plugged in. the computer is ignoring it; this is beyond my skillz).
[User Picture]
From:redtheblue
Date:August 30th, 2005 05:57 am (UTC)
(Link)
Justicorn Recovery Utility doesn't have the same ring to it.
[User Picture]
From:off_coloratura
Date:August 30th, 2005 06:20 am (UTC)
(Link)
Oh, I am laughing and crying at the same time. This can't be good.
[User Picture]
From:semer
Date:August 30th, 2005 07:13 am (UTC)
(Link)
Heehee. Ding fries are done :)
[User Picture]
From:kizlj
Date:August 31st, 2005 12:13 am (UTC)
(Link)
yes, that. aiee ha.
[User Picture]
From:mcduff
Date:August 30th, 2005 08:27 am (UTC)
(Link)
And the moral of today's story is...?
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:August 30th, 2005 07:07 pm (UTC)
(Link)
"If you don't have anything nice to say, you're probably at the Ice Capades."

WHEEL OF MORALITY, TURN TURN TURN
[User Picture]
From:gilana
Date:August 30th, 2005 10:57 am (UTC)
(Link)
Phew!

I hesitate to ask, but how goes the battle with the wireless card?
[User Picture]
From:phonemonkey
Date:August 30th, 2005 01:17 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Oh Spatch, I love you.
[User Picture]
From:semer
Date:August 30th, 2005 04:56 pm (UTC)
(Link)
*giggle* Love your icon.
[User Picture]
From:hemlock_martini
Date:August 30th, 2005 01:31 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I swooned.

Wait, what's the proper past form of "swoon?"

I swont.
From:lno
Date:August 30th, 2005 02:03 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Ding! Fries are done.

You asshole, you just got my boss to look at my screen to see why I was snorking. :)
[User Picture]
From:duchez
Date:August 30th, 2005 02:39 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Quite excellent timing, since I am in the process of doing the exact same thing right now...Hopefully my computer will behave, since I don't know the powerful recovery utility's home phone number.
[User Picture]
From:cheezdanish
Date:August 30th, 2005 04:58 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Hee.
[User Picture]
From:coffeebeanben
Date:August 30th, 2005 05:38 pm (UTC)
(Link)
um. sorry... i didn't mean for that OS to hork your drive. i didn't write it... ummm... cookie?
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:August 30th, 2005 07:41 pm (UTC)
(Link)
You are A-OK MR BEN SIR
[User Picture]
From:arielblue
Date:August 30th, 2005 06:02 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I want you to write user manuals. And my daily newspaper.
[User Picture]
From:eeka13
Date:September 1st, 2005 07:52 pm (UTC)
(Link)

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


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