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EXCELSIOR, YOU FATHEAD!

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August 24th, 2005


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10:59 am - Dearest MBTA
It may behoove you to rethink your strategy towards escalator and elevator maintenance on the Red Line. It's become quite apparent you and Kone, the maintenance company responsible for the repairs, just can't quite rise to the challenge of keeping any one (1) individual escalator in Davis, Porter or South Station in good working condition for seven (7) consecutive days. As this is just a small sampling of the vertical access solutions in the entire MBTA system, I am quite confident that the other stations are experiencing similar delays and problems.

Clearly the escalator and elevator challenge is too much for you and you should just scrap them all, perhaps converting them to something nice and pretty, like decorative planters. That way we all have something nice to look at while we're dragging our luggage up the stairs, step by step. We're already used to this, so why not make the experience a little greener? Confused elderly people will find something to smile about when they see cheerful seasonal flowers along the way, encouraging them on to the top. The empty elevator shafts will make dandy terrariums, home to tall flowers and climbing ivy. I'm sure you can even find some strains of shrubs that are not only resilient to hobo pee, but thrive on it as well.

I urge you to give this matter your full attention and consideration, because as it stands those shafts and inclines aren't doing anything but standing around doing nothing, and they'd be put to much better use by just throwing dirt and plant life on them.


Yours,
The Stairmaster 5000

(7 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:plumtreeblossom
Date:August 24th, 2005 03:30 pm (UTC)
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Which station was it, Davis or Porter?
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:August 24th, 2005 03:57 pm (UTC)
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Today it was actually South Station. The up escalator from the first landing to the lobby is out, and both escalators inside the South Station concourse are down for "preventative maintenance." Considering the escalators were just down "for routine maintenance" two weeks ago, I ain't buying it.
[User Picture]
From:minkrose
Date:August 24th, 2005 04:10 pm (UTC)
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I haven't seen the ones in Harvard working any of the times I've been there this summer.
Stairs are good for you! They should just give up hope, use the money on something else!
[User Picture]
From:annilita
Date:August 24th, 2005 04:25 pm (UTC)
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Oooh! Waterfalls!
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:August 24th, 2005 04:34 pm (UTC)
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Excellent idea, and the Porter Square station would be a natural!
From:dcart
Date:August 26th, 2005 02:48 pm (UTC)
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I hope you actually sent this letter. :)
[User Picture]
From:nathanw
Date:August 27th, 2005 02:02 am (UTC)
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You may find it interesting to know that the MBTA just re-posted their job opening for a Director of Vertical Transportation

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