Mr. Spatch: "Chip's back from the mainland, Estelle, and he brought more port."
"Hyannis is for lovers."
"...but Hyannisport is for drunks."
"Nantucket's official name is Nantucket-In-The-Sea."
"Nantucket's original name was Myrtle's Vineyard, but changed under threat of lawsuit from Martha."
"Nantucket is in a trial separation from the rest of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts."
"Contrary to popular belief, the Man From Nantucket actually lived in East Yarmouth."
"Legend has it that Western Massachusetts actually does exist, but no one has ever felt the need to go there to verify the claim."
"An anagram of TOM AND TOM is TO MANDOM, T, which is how Tom and Tom toast each other with every new flavor."
"In the upcoming feature-length film Nantucket Nectars: The Movie, Tom and Tom are portrayed by Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson, respectively."
"Vince Vaughn will play Nantucket Softball All-Star Steve Clements, while Will Ferrell will make a cameo as the boat Allserve."
"With Christopher Walken as Mitt Romney."
(we ran out of Orange Mango at that point)