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April 9th, 2005


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07:26 am - and now the country's gone kablooie
Someone stayed up all night. Someone wasn't even playing WoW. Someone went to a nice little gathering downstairs after work. Someone later went nuts with Google and other programs trying to find certain things. Someone might not make it to HEAVEN'S GATE later on today.

To that extent, I shall award the Brass Figligee with Bronze Oak Leaf Palm to the Constant Reader(s) who can helpfully and successfully provide me with the following, or links to the following, obscure song thingies:
  1. The lyrics to Jon Batson's "Mental On My Mind"
    This is a great little meta-parody of that ramblin' classic "Gentle On My Mind" and I know that Mr. Batson wrote the parody, and I can even download the song itself from the Dr. Demento archives, but it's a crummy quality and I can't get a good transcription. Suffice to say it's really funny, honest, especially (or only!) if you know the original. I did find the beginning of a wickedly evil "Gentle" parody:

    It's knowin' I can get some sex without having to commit to you at all
    That makes me tend to leave my sleeping bag rolled up and stashed behind your couch...


    However, the artist who wrote the parody said he sang it once in front of John Hartford, who wrote the original, and the angry glare from Hartford was so intense that he dropped the song after that one line and launched into some safer fare. Oh well. (On the other hand, another article I read said that one time Mr. Hartford heard a bawdy version of the song from another folk artist, and he countered with an even raunchier version. But perhaps that wasn't live on stage.) I wonder if Mr. Hartford felt the same animosity towards Leonard Nimoy's crazy tepid cover, which I also have.

  2. A copy of "You Came A Long Way From St. Louis" by Ray McKinley & His Orchestra
    This is a very specific request because I've got at least one version of this song as a duet between Bing Crosby and Peggy Lee, and it's rather cute, but very laid-back in der Bingle's way. However, while I was listening to some Allan Sherman tonight courtesy the Dr. Demento archives, I found a parody he did of the song called "You Went The Wrong Way, Ol' King Louie" and I'll be damned if his arrangment didn't swing! For starters, Sherman's arrangement put a killer Peter Gunn-esque bassline under the song, and punctuated it with a great horn section. I went around checking various Allan Sherman websites and I found one that credited the song, according to the notes of Sherman's album My Son the Nut, to Mr. McKinley & His Orchestra. I like "& His Orchestra." It means "Hey, we're not gonna try to make some cutesy dimunitive out of McKinley for the band, like the McKinlettes or the McKintones, no, we're just gonna call an orchestra an orchestra here." On the other hand, I think it'd be great to have a band called "And His Orchestra." Though I bet it's already been done.

  3. A copy of the Andy Williams "Music to Watch Girls By" with lyrics
    Oops, already found that one. Kinda wish I didn't. It's like when you hear the lyrics to the Bonanza theme, which ruins the more common instrumental version for you. Yes, there were lyrics to the Bonanza theme -- two sets even! -- and they were pretty bad. Not as bad as the I Dream of Jeannie lyrics, though.
Since you were so good to read all of this, here are some really crummy TV theme lyrics that thankfully never made it:

Lorne Greene gave the theme lyrics on his album Lorne Greene's American West:
We chased Lady Luck, 'til we finally struck Bonanza!
With a gun and a rope and a hat full of hope
We planted a family tree

We got hold of a pot of gold, Bonanza!
With a horse and a saddle and a range full of cattle
How rich can a fellow be?

On this land we put our brand
Cartwright is the name
Fortune smiled the day we filed the Ponderosa claim!

Here in the West we're livin the best, Bonanza!
If anyone fights any one of us
He's gotta fight with me

Hoss and Joe and Adam know every rock and pine
No one works, fights, or eats like those boys of mine!

Here we stand in the middle of a grand Bonanza!
With a gun and a rope and a hat full of hope
We planted a family tree

We got hold of a pot of gold, Bonanza!
With a houseful of friends where the rainbow ends
How rich can a fellow be?

On this land we put our brand
Cartwright is the name
Fortune smiled the day we filed the Ponderosa claim!

Here in the West we're livin the best, Bonanza!

With the friendliest, fightingest, loving band
That ever set foot in the promised land
And we're happier than them all
That's why we call it Bonanza
Bonanza
Bonanza!

...the other version was a musical number actually included in the pilot. I'm cutting and pasting it from a site I found. For some reason it doesn't scan with the actual theme, so I'm not sure what's going on, but it's pretty ludicrous.
(Little Joe) I've got a flair for women everywhere --
Bonanza!
(Hoss) Bonanza! (Barks and howls)
(All three) I'm not afraid of any pretty maid -- Bonanza!
Bonanza!
But when I give a kiss to any little miss
She'll learn a lot from me

(Ben) I'm not afraid of any pretty maid -- Bonanza!
(All three) Bonanza!
When I give a kiss to any little miss
She'll learn a lot from me
Hair of brown, hair of gold
I take what I see

We're not a one to saddle up and run -- Bonanza! Bonanza!
Any one of us who starts a little fuss
Knows he can count on me
One for four, four for one
This we guarantee

We got a right to pick a little fight -- Bonanza! Bonanza!
If anyone fights any one of us
He's gotta fight with me!

Yes, even I Dream of Jeannie had lyrics and amazingly enough, they're almost as bad as the "I take what I see" chauvinism of the Bonanza theme. I do admit I like the construction of the final verse and it took me a moment to figure out "We're close as a quarter after three" but once I did, I had to give it props 'cause it was rather clever. Anyway:
Jeannie, fresh as a daisy
Just love how she obeys me
Does things that just amaze me so

She smiles, presto, the rain goes
She blinks, up come the rainbows
Cars stop, even the train goes slow

When she goes by
She paints sunshine on every rafter
Sprinkles the air with laughter
We're close as a quarter after three

There's no one like

Jeannie, I'll introduce her
To you, but it's no use, sir,
Cause my Jeannie's in love with me!


And of course we all know the Star Trek lyrics...

(9 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:aliiyf
Date:April 9th, 2005 12:57 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Think of where the clock hands would be at a quarter after three.
From:doidy
Date:April 9th, 2005 05:45 pm (UTC)

Let us not forget these classic lyics:

(Link)
Bewitched, Bewitched,
You've got me in your spell.
Bewitched, Bewitched,
You know your craft so well.
Before I knew what I was doing
I looked in your eyes
That brand of woo you've been brewin'
Took me by surprise.

You witch, you witch,
One thing is for sure.
That stuff you pitch
Just hasn't got a cure.
My heart was under lock and key,
But somehow it got unhitched.
I never thought that I could be had
But now I'm caught and I'm kinda glad
To be Bewitched.
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:April 9th, 2005 07:49 pm (UTC)

Re: Let us not forget these classic lyics:

(Link)
The fella what wrote that died recently. Or at least he was the one who put those rhymes ("in your spell" and "so well"? it's some odd, third-world knockoff of That Old Black Magic, like a "Nontendo" game sold in Taiwan) to music.
From:doidy
Date:April 10th, 2005 04:58 pm (UTC)

Re: Let us not forget these classic lyrics:

(Link)
Oh, yeah, also I don't think those are really the 'I Dream of Jeannie' lyrics. The ones you posted didn't seem to have anything to do with the girls of the world not being anything except trouble.
From:lno
Date:April 10th, 2005 11:08 pm (UTC)
(Link)
This is a great little meta-parody of that ramblin' classic "Gentle On My Mind" and I know that Mr. Batson wrote the parody, and I can even download the song itself from the Dr. Demento archives

Download a higher-quality song here.
[User Picture]
From:redtheblue
Date:April 11th, 2005 01:15 am (UTC)
(Link)
I know my local NPR affiliate has a copy of that song. I had a recording of it years ago on a random cassette...I could check with them.
[User Picture]
From:redtheblue
Date:April 11th, 2005 01:56 am (UTC)
(Link)
I meant 'You've Come a Long Way from St. Louis', in case the psychic feed from that post didn't resonate on your frequency.
[User Picture]
From:derspatchel
Date:April 11th, 2005 08:47 am (UTC)
(Link)
Random cassettes are always the best places to find things. I wish I still had mine.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 25th, 2005 04:06 pm (UTC)

Jon Batson Songs

(Link)
Mental on My Mind and others are at is at http://cdbaby.com/cd/jonbatson2 and http://cdbaby.com/cd/jonbatson1

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