February 24th, 2009

Tom Lehrer is Smug


I just enjoyed a tasty snack of peanut butter cups fresh from the vending machine. The inner cardboard liner had a message written on it: "Don't be sad. There are more cups out there."

And then I thought of a world without peanut butter cups and friends, that was a terrible world indeed. Could you imagine the fallout when word finally comes down the pike that there will soon be No More Peanut Butter Cups? And think of the protests, the signs, the tear gas, and then the hoarding. Oh, yes, friends, the hoarding. Case upon case stacked in someone's basement or storage unit, tantalizingly defying those of us with a yen for the Now Extinct but without the security code to the door. And that's where we gather. "Anybody got a blowtorch?" someone asks half in jest. But someone else begins to bang frantically on the doors, and the mob begins to howl...

Thankfully the little cardboard liner was there to reassure me and set my mind at ease. Fear not, world! There are factories out there that are still cranking out peanut butter cups mechanical hand over mechanical fist. They won't be going anywhere anytime soon. Unlike, say, those tasty little peanut butter cracker sandwiches that disappeared from our timeline after Biff stole the sports almanac that salmonella scare.

So go out and get some candy already. There'll always be more. The candy wrapper said so.

psst ivorjawa you might want to skip this post or else your blood pressure could spike