November 14th, 2007

J. Arthur Crank on Phone

AGENT.

Thank you for calling Automated Airlines' automated airline phoneline. I am a recording, though I will be speaking to you in the first person so it's like we're just carrying on a conversation like two regular people, okay?

Whatever.

... I'm sorry, I didn't quite understand what you're saying. I'll start by asking you some questions. First, are you calling f-

AGENT.

Okay. You want to speak to an agent. Is that correct? If so, say yes.

Yes.

Great! Are you calling about a new reservation, or an existing reserv-

Existing.

... I'm sorry, I didn't quite understand you. Are you calling about a new reservation, or-

EGG. ZIS. TING.

All right! You want to discuss an existing reservation. Is that correct? If so, say yes.

(sigh) Yes.

... I'm sorry, I didn't quite understa--

AGENT.

Okay, I'll transfer you to an agent. First I'll just need a few answers from you. Is this for a domestic flight travelling solely in the continental Unite-

Just let me speak to a person.

... I'm sorry, I didn't quite understand you. Is th-

Of course you didn't, you're a goddamned computer. Now go get me a person.

... I'm sorry that I am having trouble understanding what you're saying.

Yeah, I bet you are.

... I'm sorry that I am having trouble understanding what you're saying. Please hold for one minute and I'll connect you to a representative.

mmbrbbbelbeze autoameted airlines myname is john mmzmhelp you?

AGENT.


The preceding has been brought to you by http://gethuman.com/ whether they're aware of it or not. Don't let this happen to you.
Spike Dancing The Hula

this is not a cry for help YES IT IS HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP

For those not in the Boston area, consider yourself lucky because Rachael Ray is back shilling for Dunkin' Donuts, and boy howdy is she sooooooooooo excited to let you know how she's always got "like, a million pounds of Dunkin Donuts coffee on hand" to entertain holiday guests and how she looooooves those yummo gingerbread donuts and it's all so hyper she makes Dane Cook's World Series spots look as sedate as William F. Buckley expounding upon that grand American contest that is the sport of base-ball.

It was noted on UH that Ray's only a few gleeful exclamations from a total breakdown. You can just see it in her strained smile, glassy-eyed stare, and desperate attempts to be Happy! Peppy! Please!

So next year, Ray's not only going to be shilling for Dunkin Donuts, but by gum I think she's gonna end up also shilling for another local beverage establishment:

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