August 7th, 2007

Tom Lehrer is Smug

(no subject)

To: Whoever is behind the lyrics to that godawful "Hey Delilah" song I had to endure on the Magic Mild Rock station while waiting in line to pay for my coffee today
From: Mr. D. Spatchel, c/o Somerville Home for the Criminally Bewildered
Re: The lyrics to that godawful "Hey Delilah" song I had to endure on the Magic Mild Rock station while waiting in line to pay for my coffee today

Dear sir(s) or madam(s):

I wish hangnails upon each finger, plus thumb, of your writing hand should you ever, ever, ever put pen to foolscap and write another song lyric as horrible and as clunky as "Even more with me in love you'll fall."

It's not as if you were terribly stuck for a line, either, unless you really couldn't come up with a better line that rhymed with "-all". If that is indeed the case, then I advise you invest in a rhyming dictionary. You may even find one online.

The lyric is so bad that I cannot even come up with a decent parody of it to use as a subject for this post, because "upon the floor my barf will fall" is the worst I can do. But even that does not follow the unholy structure of your terrible inverted atrocity; it merely runs alongside, scowling with a bug-eyed grimace.

In short, sir(s) or madam(s), the next time a line of this sort hits you, for the sake of mankind and all that is good and right in this world, I implore you to duck.


Yrs,
Mr. Sptch
Mssng Vwl Blvrd
Smrvll, M
Tom Lehrer is Smug

well.

Our soda vending machine's refrigeration unit appears to be busted, and all the drinks are served room temperature instead of frosty cold. Because of this, someone has helpfully affixed a sign to the machine that reads "SODA IS NOT COOL."

I have an compulsion to take a pen and retort with "Who are you to judge what I drink?"