July 18th, 2007

J. Arthur Crank on Phone

THERE IS NO PHONE

I don't have a phone for a while, folks. My cellphone's charge point up and broke on me last night. It'd been acting kinda wonky for a while now, you know. One of those times where you plug the charger in and it doesn't automatically say OH HAY I'M PLUGGED IN and then you move the cord and it goes OK I GET IT THERE'S AN ELECTRICAL SUPPLY CONNECTED TO ME and the little chargy light goes on but if there's even the smallest quantum vibration near the phone the charge point moves and the connection is lost and the phone goes GUESS YOU DIDN'T WANT TO CHARGE ME UP AFTER ALL, OK I'LL SHUT MYSELF OFF. Then you smack your head, try to move the plug around and wonder when exactly it's gonna break for reals. Well, it broke for reals last night and I'm now stuck with a phone that's shut off with 1 1/2 bars of power left and a battery that's disconnected from the phone so I don't lose the charge in case I need to make a really important call.

Well. If you can't charge the battery while in the phone, charge the battery outside the phone. There's an accessory for anything, right? Surely there's a charger that enjoys charging only the battery and not the phone with the battery attached, right? I've seen it happen before to other, luckier batteries. There must be one for my particular battery which only seems to fit my particular phone. That's what you'd think and that is what would be the case were we to live in a fair and just world. But you know, it's difficult to find accessories, or even believe such helpful devices exist, when the website of your phone's manufacturer doesn't even believe such a model exists anymore. It goes so far as to do that snide, condescending "Did you mean Model ABC595?" trick when you try to search for Model ABC599. The end result is one of those frustrating moments where you find yourself hollering "IF I'D MEANT THAT, YOU STUPID THING, I'D HAVE TYPED THAT" at a ... computer. Sigh.

When searching the rest of the Interbutt with such terms as "model abc599" and "external charger" and "no I didn't mean abc595" and "AAAAHGGHGHGHH DIE DIE DIE", I did find one universal cellphone battery charger. It apparently lets you adjust its chargy thingos to the positive and negative terminals on the battery. Seeing as how my battery seems to have one copper strip for one terminal and two copper strips for the other, I sure hope this universal thingo takes into universal account this universal battery. Serves me right for picking what is apparently the redheaded stepchild of the Audiovox family, but goddammit it has a cherishable camera in it as well as, oh, ALL MY GODDAMN NUMBERS. I am skeptical of this device but any port in a storm, really. I hope I can get the charger by the end of this week. Until then, communication can be had via the Other Usual Channels, just not by text or voice.
Four or Five Crazy Guys

And there's hamburger all over the highway in Mystic, Connecticut

The section of A Street by our office building has a NO PARKING ANY TIME restriction on it. Even so, every day the street is filled with parked cars who don't want to pay the $10 a day for parking in the legal lot. So periodically the city decides hey, let's make 'em wish they'd paid $10 today instead of what they're going to pay now.

For the past ten or fifteen minutes now, we've been watching a whole damn fleet of tow trucks -- there must have been six or seven, a few flatbeds, all from the same company -- picking up an entire street of cars and hauling them off, getting Real Paid in the process. Nobody's come running out yet in protest, but I'm betting that come 5:00, there's gonna be some people outside really bummed (which is what you are when you go out to your car and it's been towed.)

However, all of us are S-M-R-T and either A. don't own a car or B. park legally, so the Tow Truck Show is the best show running today. Most fun is the running commentary. "He's going for the Audi, watch out, there goes the Audi!" A flatbed hauled the Audi up, then used its T bar for the minivan behind it. "Two for the price of one!" we cheered. There really is something quite fascinating about watching an entire cadre of tow trucks working in parallel, especially when it's not your car that's involved.

I am also reasonably sure that the fact that today is a disgusting, rainy drizzly day was a special factor in the decision to do it today. Aw, sweet schadenfreude. And now we invite you to shift on your sanitary pedestals and join us in this hymn, per order of PD:
Toad Away, Toad Away
Toad Away, Toad Away
Where do you go
When you're Toad Away?
(often the answer is "you go... back to the shadows again...")