July 9th, 2007

Typewriter Guy

quick quiz

What do all these words and phrases have in common?

Moon Shadow
Hidden Cove
Into the Mystic
Encore Performance
Remember When
Sweet Emotion
Precious Memories
Eagle Mountain

If you guessed boat names, you'd have a good train of thought going there, but none of these have any kind of silly nautical or similarly water-based pun attached to them.

On the other hand, if you guessed that they are names of carpet styles, then you'd be correct. And I'd fear you. These aren't color names, mind you, they're the carpet styles themselves. The names for the strands and loops and plushiness and (at least in some cases) funky designs. Fear not, fans of froo-froo color names, you still have your "Flintstone" (perfect for bare feet) and "Oatmeal" and "Bear" and "Champagne" (koff koff) and this one, which is listed as on the website simply as "Pink". That is pure hogwash as far as I'm concerned. An aberration at best. I know Vaguely Purplish when I see it.

I want to be the guy who comes up with this crap. I mean, I'm a very simple and pragmatic guy when it comes to color names -- that one's red, that's light brown, that's darker than light brown but lighter than dark brown, and that one's just plain ugly. But by god, I could do this. I could bullshit all day, throwing out euphemistically positive non-sequiturs and gettin real paid. "Gee, check out this new loop and strand style we just created, Mister N. What do you think we should call it?" "Call it... Morning Ablution. You're welcome. I expect the wheelbarrow full of hundreds at my doorstep by 5:30."

Yes, that'd be the life, all right. Now tell me where one can get their Masters in Bullshit so I can begin my new, exciting career as soon as possible.

And they seriously should give a raise to whoever came up with "Compton" for a carpet name. Wait! It's on the same page as "Central Square". Give that guy two raises!

Farewell and adieu to ye fair Spanish ladies

After showing a zillion Foghorn Leghorn cartoons, the Somerville showed Pee-Wee's Big Adventure and I sat in my favorite seat and had a great time. Then I get home and oh hey Jaws is showing on Turner Classic Movies! We're already a half hour in, I missed The Jaws ShotTM (the little Kintner boy is already deadified) but I just noticed that Matt Hooper pretty much shows up at the 0:30 mark. And Quint's gonna show up in a very few minutes. (EDIT: Fuck. He already showed up, didn't he. God damn, Spielberg, how the hell did you accomplish SO MUCH in thirty goddamn minutes?!)

What a great day for movies!

(The midnight movies this year at the Sommavill are great. One week they'll be doing a double feature of Beach Blanket Bingo and Wet Hot American Summer. That's freakin' brilliant. There'll be a Wizard of Oz/Princess Bride double feature, two Chuck Norris movies for those of you who can't get enough of those jokes (hanging out in the Barrens, are ya?) and The Big Sleep one week and the immortal classic ROADHOUSE so we can have a Patrick Swayze Christmas in July! And Dazed & Confused, and The Big Sleep and apparently lots of cartoons.)