March 14th, 2007

The Simpsons - Screw You

Dude, that blue guy is in f***ing Vietnam

And in other news, the film adaptation of Watchmen currently in production appears to have, in the director's chair, a hyperactive 15-year-old who has just discovered whoa holy cow man, those graphic novel things, they're, like, serious and stuff:
"The thing about Watchmen is that I'm looking to make a movie that looks more like 'Taxi Driver' than Dick Tracy [laughs]. People bring that up to me 'Is it like 'Dick Tracy?'' because that's colorful. Watchmen as a printed medium references comic books itself. It goes 'Look, I'm a comic book' and you read it, you're like 'You're f***ing blowing my mind!' But that's what it tries to do, it draws you in by being a comic book. I think my responsibility is to draw the audience in by saying 'Look I'm just a movie' and then you get in there and it f***s you up. That's my hope anyway. It is a weird movie. When you see the trailer and you go 'Okay that looks like Richard Nixon. Dude that blue guy is in f***ing Vietnam, what is this?' There's a song you can not put in a Vietnam war movie and it's 'Ride Of the Valkyries' which should not be put it in any movie because of 'Apocalypse Now.' But in 'Watchmen,' you can imagine a sequence in 'Watchmen' where Dr. Manhattan is 100 feet tall stomping through the jungles of Vietnam with Hueys all over him, zapping the Vietcong while 'Ride of the Valkyries' is playing. It is transcendent of itself so you can reference 'Apocalypse Now' and that's okay. It is pop culture."
Ok, so you can't put Ride of the Valkryies in a Vietnam movie because it's connected to Apocalypse Now, but if you put Ride of the Valkryies in a movie with a Vietnam scene that's cool cause you're dropping a mad crazy Apocalypse Now ref that is just soooooooooooooooooooooo clever, you have to hug yourself?

Suuuuure. And maybe you can have Dr. Manhattan say something like "Had I retained my emotional core and olfactory sense, I would be able to remark at this point that I enjoy the smell of napalm at this particular time of day, for it resembles the scent exuded by victory."

This director's attitude does not make me feel confident at all about this project. He goes "Look, I'm an actual movie director!" and I'm like "You're f***ing kidding me!" And IMDB tells me this is the guy behind "THIS IS SPARTAAAAAA 300". Oh, boy.

Yeah, I have absolutely zero confidence in this project now. This is going to be Yet Another Alan Moore Project Turned To Shit On The Silver Screen. Listen, when even Terry Gilliam decides he can't turn a particular story into a film and still do it justice, maybe it's time to just stop trying.