March 5th, 2007

Guyball - Top Miler

The world's best country-western song about faster-than-light travel and special relativity


DOOLITTLE
Let's have some music in here, Boiler.

BOILER
Sure thing!
A million suns shine down
But I see only one
When I think I'm over you
I find I've just begun
The years move faster than the days
There's no warmth in the light
And how I miss those desert skies
Your cool touch in the night
Benson, Arizona, blew warm wind through your hair
My body flies the galaxies; my heart longs to be there
Benson, Arizona, the same stars in the sky
But they seemed so much kinder when we watched them, you and I
Now the years pull us apart
I'm young and now you're old
But you're still in my heart
And the memory won't grow cold
I dream of times and spaces
I left far behind
Where we spent our last few days
Benson's on my mind
Benson, Arizona, blew warm wind through your hair
My body flies the galaxies; my heart longs to be there
Benson, Arizona, the same stars in the sky
But they seemed so much kinder when we watched them, you and I
My word, but Dark Star has indeed grown on me since the last time I watched it.

Tomorrow: Socratic dialogue with a bomb.
Tom Lehrer is Smug

nota bene

For those of you eager separatists, supporters and spectators wishing to attend the re-enactment of the Boston Massacre this evening at the Old State House on King Street, it should do you well to keep these important points in mind:

1. Kindly refrain from telling the King's soldiers to "go home" or "back to where you came from." What with Boston being part of a British colony and all, they are home.

2. Likewise, refrain from calling the soldiers "damned bloody English." You are all English subjects yourselves, even if you do lack Parliamentary representation. A more fitting epithet to hurl would be "lobster" or "lobsterbacks", taking into derisive consideration the colour of the soldiers' uniforms.

3. Feel free to take sides; one mustn't always support the actions of a few hot-headed boys eager to start another fight. Perhaps you sympathise with the soldiers and wish the common rabble would cease their complaining and learn to live as good subjects of the King.

4. On the other hand, you may wish to support the young men in their endeavours. Those damn'd soldiers have gone and abused an innocent wigmaker's apprentice; they ought to get what's coming to them.

5. And for heaven's sake, whatever you do, don't be the one to yell "Fire!" That's not your job.

6. Oh, and once the guards fire into the rabble, don't fall on the ground yourself and holler "OH NOS THEY GOT ME TOO, FETCH FORTH THE BACTINE, PRUDENCE." Such behaviour is most unseemly and besides, Bactine hasn't been invented yet. Also, you probably won't be allowed into the Old State House for cookies and cider afterwards.


God save the King.