May 19th, 2006

Tom Lehrer is Smug

City of Villains goof-offery



Meet William Patrick Shaughnessy, the boss of The Aristocrats, a rough-n-tumble gang from the back alleys and barrooms of Old-Fashioned Paragon City. You know, back when beer was served in giant glass mugs with foam all around, bowler hats were only taken off when one went to bed, and those kinds of mustaches were in vogue. Heck, even pianos automatically sounded plinky and rinky-tinky in those days. Bill himself was a bareknuckle prizefighter for a while until he learned that rolling drunks for their cash was more lucrative. Then he learned that ordering other guys to roll drunks for their cash (and giving a share back to Bill in the process) was more lucrative than that, and by the time he'd opened his own saloon 'n gambling den 'n who-knows-what-else-what, employing nearly half the criminal element around, he was known as Bowery Bill. The Boss.

Until blah blah blah rift in time and space blah blah blah found himself in a new world etc etc etc. C'mon, it's a freakin video game here, I don't need to write an entire eighteen-chapter backstory for some dude in a bowler hat with muttonchops who likes to smash things. He hasn't even hit level 20 yet. Let's just watch him smash things!

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I'm sure Bill will have plenty more adventures to come, and so will his friends: Boss McGee, the mind-controlling fellow who kinda looks like a skinny version of Mr. Influence; Society Max, the gentleman assassin whose name I fully admit stealing from Damon Runyon; and yes, the Randroid is back in all his moral objectivist glory, too.

Whee hah! It's good to be the bad guy!