August 24th, 2005

Tom Lehrer is Smug

Dearest MBTA

It may behoove you to rethink your strategy towards escalator and elevator maintenance on the Red Line. It's become quite apparent you and Kone, the maintenance company responsible for the repairs, just can't quite rise to the challenge of keeping any one (1) individual escalator in Davis, Porter or South Station in good working condition for seven (7) consecutive days. As this is just a small sampling of the vertical access solutions in the entire MBTA system, I am quite confident that the other stations are experiencing similar delays and problems.

Clearly the escalator and elevator challenge is too much for you and you should just scrap them all, perhaps converting them to something nice and pretty, like decorative planters. That way we all have something nice to look at while we're dragging our luggage up the stairs, step by step. We're already used to this, so why not make the experience a little greener? Confused elderly people will find something to smile about when they see cheerful seasonal flowers along the way, encouraging them on to the top. The empty elevator shafts will make dandy terrariums, home to tall flowers and climbing ivy. I'm sure you can even find some strains of shrubs that are not only resilient to hobo pee, but thrive on it as well.

I urge you to give this matter your full attention and consideration, because as it stands those shafts and inclines aren't doing anything but standing around doing nothing, and they'd be put to much better use by just throwing dirt and plant life on them.


Yours,
The Stairmaster 5000
Tom Lehrer is Smug

I'm a bad person today

After two pigeons took a divebomb run off the roof of the opposite building and smacked into our 5th story windows this morning, several people took it upon themselves to put pieces of paper up as a precaution against further diving and smacking. I was one of those people, but my Post-It note has a target drawn on it and the words PIGEONS! AIM HERE! WIN A PRIZE!

Not related at all to being a bad person: The Brattle has devoted September to Stanley Kubrick, and will screen every single one of his feature films, from The Killing to Eyes Wide Shut. I know which ones I'll gladly miss, but a Dr. Strangelove/Lolita double feature seems too fascinating to pass up. Paths of Glory and Full Metal Jacket make up the GOLLY WAR SURE IS REALLY BAD double feature, probably way too heavy to fathom in one sitting (I can't make it through Paths of Glory in one sitting) but I'd love the chance to see Barry Lyndon on ze beeg screen.

Ok, now I'm a bad person because I used way too many italics.