July 21st, 2005

Tom Lehrer is Smug


Ladies and gentlemen, after an evening's worth of writing, I give you

A thrilling story of amazing thrills and adventure
Written by Spatch, who has been reading over too many shoulders on the T recently

Hank Gideon, 52, handsome historian and tireless researcher of the mysterious, ran his hand through his thinning yet no less lush pepper-brown hair and stared intently at the parchment in his hand. In this pose he looked entirely like Harrison Ford and absolutely nothing like Tom Hanks. Honest. As Gideon struggled to make sense of these cryptic glyphs, the note read:
Hank Gideon
Historian Department
University College
It is I, Dr. Greenslade, your former professor and mentor. I am waiting downstairs for you. I have some distressing news of vital importance to you. Please hurry down and see me.
Dr. Sidney Greenslade
"It looks like a note from my former professor and mentor Dr. Greenslade," Gideon said after a moment's thought. "He must be downstairs." Gideon folded the paper and put it back into its envelope. Then he rose from his seat and headed for the door.

"He probably has some distressing news for me," Gideon said, grasping the doorknob. "It must be of vital importance, or else he wouldn't have written me."

Gideon turned the doorknob. The door opened, revealing a wooden staircase leading down. Gideon stepped through the door onto the landing, taking special care to close the door behind him. Collapse )
Tom Lehrer is Smug


Whoops! In my haste to post the coolest thing ever, I neglected to include the most important two chapters in the middle! I've added them to the original post, but also am writing them here so those who've already read it don't have to read it alllllll over again.

Additionally, the text is also available in a slightly better-formatted, uh, format, at spatch.net. Enjoy.

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