October 23rd, 2004

Tom Lehrer is Smug


8:45 AM
STOMACH: Hey, wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.
ME: Oof, I'm up. What?
STOMACH: There's way too much acid in me.
ME: Hmm. Yeah. I see what you mean. I'll start the two-week Prilosec treatment again today.
STOMACH: I don't think you understand. There's way too much acid in me right now.
ME: So? You're the one making it when I don't even want it. What are you gonna do about it?
STOMACH: You really shouldn't have said that, smartass.
ME: Hyurrrrrrrrrrk

8:53 AM
UVULA: Hey guys what's going o- HOLY CRAP I'M HUGE
ME: Yeah.
THROAT: For Christ's sake, throw something back here to numb me up.
ME: Will year-old throat spray do?
THROAT: Like I care! This is like atomic post-nasal drip we've got here!
SINUSES: Don't look at us, we got hit with the stuff too.
ME: All right, throat, here it comes... spritz, spritz, spritz.
THROAT: Thank you! Ah, normalc-- no. Still there.
ME: Damn!
UVULA: Did you really just say "spritz, spritz, spritz?"
ME: Shut up.
STOMACH: Beware, for like a wronged volcano goddess, I reserve the right to erupt again, anywhere, at any time.
ME: Oh, you can shut the hell right up too. I'm so sick of you. I wish I could rip you out and replace you with a steel-plated one from Organ Depot.
STOMACH: Ain't gonna happen, buddy boy. Say, what's this you're putting in me? Throat spray? And water?!
ME: Oh no.
STOMACH: I ain't takin no water right now! EVERYBODY, OUT OF THE POOL!
ME: Hyurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk

9:04 AM
ME: Now if everybody will just pipe down and keep quiet, I'm going back to bed, and I don't care when I wake up again. I want you all to behave.
UVULA: Fine with me.
THROAT: Just don't swallow for another five hours and I'll be ok.
SINUSES: Don't mind us, we're just packing up and taking a vacation to Fiji. Hope you do all right without us.
STOMACH: Beware, for like a wronged volcano goddess, I rese--
ME: Yes, I know, I know.
STOMACH: Just not making any promises, that's all I'm saying.
ME: Whatever. All I want is a chance to roll over and get some peaceful rest.
LIBIDO: Well well well, gooooooooooooooooooood morning!