September 14th, 2004

Tom Lehrer is Smug

It's like this, Peanut

Hey, did you order a patty melt?

Yeah, is there a problem?

Well, it's more of a misconception. I'm afraid you don't know what a patty melt is. "Patty melt" not only implies what it is, but also how it's prepared. The cheese is melted on the patty.

Yeah, I like the cheese melted on the bread.

Well, that'd be a bread melt. Or, as it's commonly known, a grilled cheese. Howzabout I make you a nice grilled cheese?

I don't want a grilled cheese. I want a patty melt, with kraut, with the cheese melted on the bread.

I'm sorry, I can't do that.

What do you mean you can't do that?

Well, you give in to one little thing -- you compromise, you compromise, you compromise, 'til you're a shell of a man beaten down, and you stand for nothing.

I want to talk to the manager.

A dish is a collection of flavors. Consistencies. You start swapping ingredients in that carefully-thought out melange, it's like fuckin with a Jenga tower of taste. I'm concerned you don't know what you're asking for.

I'm asking for--

Well, kraut on Der Patty Melt is akin to knocking that tower down with a wrecking ball.

Well, why is it called "Der Patty Melt" when there ain't no kraut on it?

"Der" is German for "the." The Waffle Haus. The Patty Melt.

Well, I want der fuckin patty melt with der fuckin cheese on der fuckin bread with der fuckin kraut on it. You got it?

No, you got it. On "der" house.

thanks, mo

Tom Lehrer is Smug

(no subject)

Well, the evening had been nice. Had a nice sandwich and some nice tea and a nice walk in the park by Powderhouse Square, which I hadn't seen much of before. I liked the bronzed pickle bottles mounted on the rocks.

Then two and a half hours happened and I am walking home. That's all.

At least I have become a bit more aware of my strengths and weaknesses and that, one presumes, is for the best.