June 18th, 2004

Tom Lehrer is Smug

NAKED MAN ON THE LOOSE

There is a naked man on the loose in my neighborhood.

Man, how often do you get to say something like that? I'm sure everybody's had a time in their life where they can say something like this. I mean, after the excitement has died down you get to sit back and, with some degree of stupefied reflection, blurt out a truly absurd phrase that now and forever after will actually make sense to you.

So it is with me. I can safely say with full conviction that there's been a time in my life where a naked man was on the loose in my neighborhood. (And at least it wasn't me.)

I live on the third story of a small house in Somerville, right across the river from Boston. My hilltop neighborhood is quiet, with the occasional rowdy midnight basketball game in the nearby park or a few college kids stumbling loudly home on a weekend after a few parties. Apart from a few accidents caused by cars breezing through the four-way stop on my corner, I've never had to call the police for anything. I also have a porch deck off the back of the house, accessible from the ground by a hard-to-reach back staircase, and I've always felt comfortable enough in the summers to sleep with the deck door open and the screen door locked shut, just to catch whatever crossbreezes I can at night.

Until tonight. Collapse )