March 9th, 2004

Howard Beale

Viacom fun!


1. Viacom has demanded that Echostar, which runs the DISH network, pay increased fees in order to carry and retransmit the CBS network and other Viacom-owned basic cable networks such as Comedy Central and MTV. Not only that, but Viacom has also ordered Echostar to take on (and pay for) additional Viacom-owned networks, such as "Nickelodeon Games and Sports."

2. Echostar decides this is an anti-trust lawsuit just waiting to happen, tells Viacom to SUK IT, and plans to drop all Viacom-owned channels.

3. Viacom says "OH NO YOU DINT" and begins running captions over all its channel feeds, exhorting DISH subscribers to call and complain about DISH dropping the channels, or simply to switch to DirecTV.

4. Echostar retaliates by running black bars over the caption crawls on the Viacom feeds.

5. Viacom moves the caption crawls around.

6. Echostar moves the black bars around.

7. Spatch decides the whole goddamn thing now looks just like this.

8. Spatch is also glad he just gets network TV off the aerials.