It's just this little chromium switch, here... (derspatchel) wrote,
It's just this little chromium switch, here...

Insert your favorite Vegas reference here

Captain Found The Shell has struck again and this time he's in sunny and windy Las Vegas, the City That Never Sleeps But Sometimes Takes A Mid-Afternoon Nap Just So They Can Catch The 10:30 Show. I'm typing this on a nutty wireless keyboard that's apparently zapping my hotel TV. It promised me Internet access (and even welcomed me to "THE INTERNET") but I had to fight its proprietary browser getup which seemed to believe all I wanted to do on THE INTERNET was order room service. Eventually Mr Proprietary acquiesced and gave up Regular Ol' IE (and aren't pop-ups fun when viewed in 800x600 on a TV screen?) so from there on it's been smooth sailing, even if I've had to continually resize and scroll around windows to see all the important text an' tuff. (Friends list browsing was particularly tough.)

,,,and a friendly hello to anyone who's currently monitoring my Internet usage. ciao!

So with that in mind, what have we learned so far?

1. Song Airlines is nifty.
Not only do they give you DirecTV in seatbacks for free, allowing me to watch Gone With The Wind in its entirety thanks to Turner Classic Movies, but they've also got a very nice realtime GPS display which also gives you speed, altitude, and miles travelled so far. There was nobody in the seat next to me so I played Airline Multitasking, watching Vivien and Clark on my seat while keeping the GPS display running on the other seat's LCD display. Very nice.

2. The Orleans is actually quite nice.
Gotta admit for $cheap a night, they really do things up right here. My room is big, there's a nice couch setup by the window, which just happens to have a beautiful view of the Strip. And since the Orleans is a bit removed from the Strip (even further west than the Rio or the Palms) what I end up getting is a fantastic wide-angle shot, showing everything from Treasure Island to Excalibur in one fell swoop. And I saw a freight train today, too!

The Orleans' buffet, at least the Sunday brunch, was cheap and good to boot.

3. Jeremy is not Mr. Bob Dobalina.
While at dinner a few nights ago we listened to some rather rhythmic names being paged and I just happened to mention that what I'd always wanted to do for fun was to page Bob Dobalina. Of course. I realize I'm not the only one in the world who might want to do this, and this idea does not start and stop with me, but that's purely okay because the more people who try to get Bob Dobalina paged, the better. (For those who are not familiar with Mr. Dobalina, Mr. Bob Dobalina, that's quite all right. It's a Del Tha Funkee Homosapien thing. Just enjoy the natural cadence of the name and imagine it to a fine hip-hop beat.)

At any rate, this morning as we were all preparing to gather in one location for the day's events, Beth got a call from Jeremy, who was trying to find me. Seems that while he was playing craps there came across the PA a page for a Mr. Dobalina, Mr. Bob Dobalina. At this point Jeremy, believing the pager to be me, actually got up and answered the White Courtesy Phone.

Turns out the page was legitimate and that someone on the other end really was looking for a Robert Dobalina.

On the one hand this is all incredibly hilarious and a tasty coincidence, but on the other hand I'm truly chagrined because now I cannot pull off the joke. For one, it's already been done, and for two, there currently exists somewhere in this metropolis an actual Mr. Bob Dobalina, and I bet he and Hugh Jass get together from time to time and comiserate over the number of insincere pages they get in public places.

4. Entertainment for entertainment's sake is perfectly all right.
I came to this conclusion last night while watching Jubilee!, one of the last (if not the last) great live Vegas revues. Created by Vegas legend Donn Arden (so much a Vegas legend that the Strip lights were dimmed in his memory when he passed away) and running for over 25 years, the show is a musical... uh. Musical tribute to... er. Well, the sinking of the Titanic, for one. And Gershwin. And the story of Samson and Delilah. And, uh, there were jugglers, too, and Chinese contortionists, and a finale with gowns designed by Bob Mackie -- and, since it was the 10:30 show, topless showgirls.

But don't go looking for such trivial things as, say, a story in this musical eggstravaganza. Nor should one look for a message or a moral or anything constructive to a better society, for that would be futile. You can't even go to the late show and expect much in the way of extreme sexual titillation, as the bare breasted showgirls aren't salacious nor there to be lewd. They're there to be pretty, and most of them accomplish that task pretty well. The bare-chested men actually gave off a bit more heat than the women, especially in their leather straps and codpieces-the-size-of-novelty-margarita-glasses outfits that they wore for the Samson & Delilah segment. But I digress.

One seeing a show such as Jubilee! must put such matters out of their heads and instead concentrate on the fact that there sure are a lot of people singing and dancing onstage and they're doing it for our entertainment. (Well, and a paycheck, but I'm guessing if people ain't entertained, the show wouldn't continue and they'd have to find another show to do. But again, I digress.)

So while watching the show this evening I came to the conclusion that Entertainment for Entertainment's Sake, if only in Vegas, is a grand and glorious thing. I came to this conclusion as we watched a musical number depicting a French lingerie fashion show (with demure striptease) on board the Titanic, right in front of the grand staircase. (The statuary and light fixtures on the grand staircase, by the way, were authentically designed. Oh how do I know these things, I swear to God.) At that point I decided I had to just stop thinking about the show and all its Wrongness, and just relax undt vatchen das blinkenlights. And whaddya know, it worked.

By the end of the show, I wasn't edified nor moved nor aroused.

But I was entertained.

And confused. However, since the lovely and talented Annette had known someone who could pull some strings for us, we were comped the show in true Las Vegas fashion and sat right up in the first row of theatre seats. So honestly we couldn't have had a better time had we actually paid to do something.

There is but one small complaint I had, however. See, the noble goal of Entertainment for Entertainment's Sake does not include lyrical alterations to fit musical medleys, alterations which then give us some stunning song lyrics such as

It's Gershwin!

It is late and I am tired and I think I am about to run out of Internet, so I shall share some more of my lessons later. Goodnight, moon.
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