It's just this little chromium switch, here... (derspatchel) wrote,
It's just this little chromium switch, here...
derspatchel

My Favorite Lie of 2004

I really haven't been following that whole Laci Peterson murder case thingy.

(No, that's not My Favorite Lie of 2004.)

I think it's extremely silly for the media to be covering this, but then again, we're in a young century so naturally we gotta have a TRIAL OF THE CENTURY early on so as to set the bar high for the next 96 years. However, they showed this on CNN yesterday while I was in the break room at work and I got such a kick out of it I realized the entire trial is just a reality show made up for our entertainment and amusement.

So it turns out that Scott Peterson, who is still innocent-before-proven-guilty-yeah-right, was hiding out in his house after his wife's body had been discovered. And, naturally, as you can all agree is the proper course of action in these situations, he had been telling everybody that he'd actually gone to France, which is where you go when people are looking for your missing wife. He'd so worked this facade up that even when he called his mistress, who may or may not have been in on the whole thing, he pretended that he was at a hotel in France. And, having absolutely no cause in the world to doubt him (while taping the conversation, I guess, so we could all enjoy it at a later time) she went along with it.

And then Scott's neighbor's dog started barking in the background. And Scott said something like "Oh, that damn dog is barking again... uh, in the hotel! Yeah! Someone brought their dog to this hotel I'm at! Can you believe it? To this hotel in France that I'm at!"

I can't stop laughing about this. I calm down and every time I think about it again, I start laughing again. It's the best lie I've ever heard because it's also the worst. It sounds like a Kids In The Hall skit brought to life. Just imagine Kevin MacDonald in the role of Scott and Dave Foley, in drag, as his mistress.

SCOTT PETERSON: Can you believe it, honey? This DOG! In the HOTEL! Is barking! In FRANCE!
SCOTT'S MISTRESS: Oh dear, that is terrible.
SCOTT PETERSON: And he's probably barking in FRENCH, too! Listen! Wouf! Wouf!
SCOTT'S MISTRESS: I'm sure that's very rude and inconsiderate of the other guests.
SCOTT PETERSON: Uh oh, now there's an argument going on outside... (SCOTT holds the phone away from his mouth and starts yammering excitedly in faux French.)
SCOTT'S MISTRESS: What's happening now?
SCOTT PETERSON: Oh, just a bunch of Frenchies yelling at the dog... I gotta go! They may need to use my phone!
SCOTT'S MISTRESS: Well, au revoir, mon amour.
SCOTT PETERSON: What?

And that is My Favorite Lie of 2004, even if it was told a year or two beforehand. And that's all I'll ever say about this non-issue. Thank you, good night, and God bless.
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