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October 23rd, 2004


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09:09 am - Scenario
8:45 AM
STOMACH: Hey, wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.
ME: Oof, I'm up. What?
STOMACH: There's way too much acid in me.
ME: Hmm. Yeah. I see what you mean. I'll start the two-week Prilosec treatment again today.
STOMACH: I don't think you understand. There's way too much acid in me right now.
ME: So? You're the one making it when I don't even want it. What are you gonna do about it?
STOMACH: You really shouldn't have said that, smartass.
ME: Hyurrrrrrrrrrk

8:53 AM
UVULA: Hey guys what's going o- HOLY CRAP I'M HUGE
ME: Yeah.
THROAT: For Christ's sake, throw something back here to numb me up.
ME: Will year-old throat spray do?
THROAT: Like I care! This is like atomic post-nasal drip we've got here!
SINUSES: Don't look at us, we got hit with the stuff too.
ME: All right, throat, here it comes... spritz, spritz, spritz.
THROAT: Thank you! Ah, normalc-- no. Still there.
ME: Damn!
UVULA: Did you really just say "spritz, spritz, spritz?"
ME: Shut up.
STOMACH: Beware, for like a wronged volcano goddess, I reserve the right to erupt again, anywhere, at any time.
ME: Oh, you can shut the hell right up too. I'm so sick of you. I wish I could rip you out and replace you with a steel-plated one from Organ Depot.
STOMACH: Ain't gonna happen, buddy boy. Say, what's this you're putting in me? Throat spray? And water?!
ME: Oh no.
STOMACH: I ain't takin no water right now! EVERYBODY, OUT OF THE POOL!
ME: Hyurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk

9:04 AM
ME: Now if everybody will just pipe down and keep quiet, I'm going back to bed, and I don't care when I wake up again. I want you all to behave.
UVULA: Fine with me.
THROAT: Just don't swallow for another five hours and I'll be ok.
SINUSES: Don't mind us, we're just packing up and taking a vacation to Fiji. Hope you do all right without us.
STOMACH: Beware, for like a wronged volcano goddess, I rese--
ME: Yes, I know, I know.
STOMACH: Just not making any promises, that's all I'm saying.
ME: Whatever. All I want is a chance to roll over and get some peaceful rest.
LIBIDO: Well well well, gooooooooooooooooooood morning!
ALL: WHOA NO! WE'RE HAVING NONE OF THAT!!

fin

(10 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:cheezdanish
Date:October 23rd, 2004 03:04 pm (UTC)
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Oh dear. Poor baby.
[User Picture]
From:ooshiny
Date:October 23rd, 2004 03:08 pm (UTC)
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Dude. Been there, done that, minus the grand hurking events. I haven't puked in 10 years, unless you count the acid that came up in my throat to wake me up at 3 a.m. and keep me up till the break'a break'a dawn. But I have woken up several times with my uvula being the diameter of a dime.

Feel better.
[User Picture]
From:isquiesque
Date:October 23rd, 2004 05:09 pm (UTC)
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HA! I laugh at your record. I was just talking my mother about this on the phone earlier this week. I am at 28 years without a hurling event and counting!

Which means if I'm ever visiting and I swallow something bad, don't try sticking a spoon town my throat, just pump my stomach, 'kay?

Also, to Spatch: get better soon, eh? I was two last time I had a hurking event, but it was so horrible that I decided I would never hurk again. Condolences.
[User Picture]
From:invisibelle
Date:October 23rd, 2004 03:54 pm (UTC)
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Zantac is your friend. Hey, I gotta hand it to you for having a sense of humor about it. Props.
[User Picture]
From:myolite
Date:October 23rd, 2004 04:12 pm (UTC)
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The swollen uvula part of things makes me cringe. Beware of little white spots. Is your tongue coated with any white junk on it?
Any fever?
Let me know if you need me to hook you up with any antibiotics.

[Kitty's....Kitty's...you know you want to go soon. Let me know when you're feeling better and we can catch up. :)]
[User Picture]
From:clawdia
Date:October 23rd, 2004 04:44 pm (UTC)
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You're only supposed to take Prilosec for two weeks? I've been taking it every day for a good four months now and my stomach is finally behaving. It's expensive, but it's so worth it.

Hope you feel better soon!
From:minnesattva
Date:October 23rd, 2004 05:38 pm (UTC)
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So, so familiar.
[User Picture]
From:androidqueen
Date:October 23rd, 2004 08:39 pm (UTC)
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that was beautiful. you should publish it.
[User Picture]
From:stephaniesays
Date:October 24th, 2004 07:20 pm (UTC)
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Medicine three times a day.
From:guxx
Date:October 24th, 2004 09:36 pm (UTC)

Herbs

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I am an advocate and proponent (is that redundant?) of herbs and holistic medicine. I used to take seldane and claritin and sudafed and allegra and all their variants for my annual spring hayfever and sporadic rest-of-the-year allergies but I stopped OTC medications when I started herbs. Now I swear by nettle as an antihistamine, mullein as a decongestant, and astragalus as an immune booster. I keep allegra on hand for those times I need it but otherwise I stick to the natural stuff.

I've heard Scotch makes you feel better, too. L'Chaim!

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