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August 29th, 2004

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02:11 pm - sunday sweaty sunday
This place is a goddamn sweatbox. I don't know what it is about today but good lord I've got all the windows open and the door and the fan's blowing on Gale setting and maybe just maybe there's a crossbreeze that comes through if I'm lucky. I haven't been lucky so far. I've been trying to write but my god it's hot. I sit and the sweat just keeps dripping down and I go "Whoof!" a lot like a fat juror in a Southern courtroom drama.

Speaking of southern writing, if I read the Faulkner "killing your darlings" quote one more time in an instructional setting, I'm going to scream.

I'd go out but I'm just plain exhausted, I'm drinking water like there's no tomorrow and I really shouldn't be spending more money anyway. Unless I spend it on groceries. Now there's an idea. The only problem is that it involves incredible feats of physical exertion, such as movement.

I moved around enough yesterday, honest. I went out to Funtown yesterday with Jo and Michael and was very pleased to see Excalibur running well for its age -- yeah, six years old isn't too long for a coaster but I've seen other coasters fall apart much quicker. Sure, the indi lapbars on the PTC train are now mismatched, but the ride's still a lot of fun. Jo put her hands up for the first time on a roller coaster and seemed to greatly enjoy the experience. She bought the picture and everything.

We went out for dinner at The Great Lost Bear in Portland, which quickly became one of my favorite bars. Fifty-something taps of regional microbrews and a great menu. Their french onion soup was how all french onion soup should be made worldwide, with an overabundance of cheese and bread croutons underneath and a delicious as all hell broth. I could have had three bowls and said to hell with the rest, but I didn't.

I got the "Mother & Child Reunion" sandwich which, while not the Chinese dish that inspired Rhymin' Simon, was a fried chicken fillet with a fried egg on top and there was melted cheese and I think bacon. My heart thumped hard a few times in abhorrent protest, then said "Oh what the hell, he'd only have spent those minutes he just lost screwing around anyway" and settled back down. Jo thumped me after I admitted the only reason I ordered the sandwich was because she thought it was a repugnant idea. Later, she pulled a knife on me out in the parking lot. That part is entirely true. What's also true is that I'd go back to the Great Lost Bear any time. It's the kind of place you'd actually move cities for.

This morning I wake up and, blessedly knife-wound free, discover that ol' Fark has discovered Cat Town. Now I'm not a regular Fark reader and I know that I orbit in certain social circles what absolutely detest the site, but I've tried to stay neutral on the topic as much as possible. Most of the people seem to be decent, God-fearing folk who enjoy a bit of nonsense or at least move along their merry way when they encounter it, but the place seems to have its fair share of, well, the Internet Stupid. Some of the bigger mental giants have deduced that I am a "ugly fat chick" who dresses my cats up like that to take their pictures, and have commented accordingly. How'd they decide that's who I was? They saw the picture of Rabs on the site. Oh god. I am so sorry, Rabs. I am so so so so so sorry. Oh jumping Jesus on a pogo stick while Mary and the saints stand around in a circle clapping in time.

I'm considering signing up for the stupid site just to say "HEY GREAT JOB GUYS, THANKS FOR BEING SO FUCKING DENSE YOU'D MAKE DANDY BRIDGE COUNTERWEIGHTS" but Beth said she's already posted in protest and other Farkers have hopped on the "dude, shut up, let's explain it to you in small words so you can understand" bandwagon and my phrase would get filtered to "FARKING DENSE" anyway. I guess it's just that where I come from, we don't suffer idiots lightly, and cast them off to the sea before they do any major damage.

So anyway. Thanks a lot for hurting a good friend, Anonymous Internet Males. I'm not sure how much superiority you're supposed to be able to muster up, posting on Fark and all, but may whatever remnants you get be dashed away in a horrible episode where your Internet girlfriend who loves anal turns out to be your mother, IMing you from upstairs. Now shut the hell up and go get me some Diet Coke, you drooling mongoloids.

(40 comments | Leave a comment)


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[User Picture]
Date:August 29th, 2004 01:27 pm (UTC)
i can't believe they gave it the "sad" icon for the link :(
Date:August 29th, 2004 01:36 pm (UTC)
The Internet has many STUPIDS. And many fucking arseholes, also.
[User Picture]
Date:August 29th, 2004 01:51 pm (UTC)
well, after the weeping and such [sue me, it struck a rather sore nerve], when i got ahold of myself, i realized that it is a pretty crap photo of me.

still, they are, in fact, morons.

and thank you, cheez, for threatening them for me. i appreciate it. and, as i told you in PM, there's no need for apologies, rob. i love cat town and was thrilled to get to be in an episode.
[User Picture]
Date:August 29th, 2004 02:58 pm (UTC)
Rabs, I was so mad when I saw that I literally started shaking. What I posted was about a gajillionth of what I really wanted to say.

I've decided that I'm going to get you drunk and seduce you, just to make up for their cunt-flea-edness.
[User Picture]
Date:August 29th, 2004 02:56 pm (UTC)
I saw that picture.
She is fat only in a world where MaryKatenAshley are a normal size.

I hate people. These guys are probably all 300+ pounds and haven't had dates since the last time they showered and ate vegetables back in 1998.
[User Picture]
Date:August 29th, 2004 10:17 pm (UTC)
I think assuming they had a date with anything other than their non-dominant hand is giving too much credit!
Date:August 29th, 2004 03:11 pm (UTC)
All good people hate Fark. But it's interesting to see that the "any woman over 98lbs is a hambeast" belief is not just held at SA, but at its younger, smellier enemy, too. Perhaps it's a general in-group out-group thing with internet forums.

[Yes, my custom title says I love it. I'd actually never read it until this link popped up. I think they could have found a more insulting title that was actually true.]
Date:August 29th, 2004 03:13 pm (UTC)
And by "all good people," I mean "those on the periphery of certain fora which Are Not Fark, and thus must cement their place as part of the in-group by denigrating the outgroup, thus reassuring themselves that they Belong." Internet sociology has the capacity to be rather good, if by rather good you mean "memetics with more jpgs."
[User Picture]
Date:August 29th, 2004 03:23 pm (UTC)
Thanks for making me read Fark for the first time. Now I know Slashdot is in fact the fucking PINNACLE of intelligence.

I feel dirty. Kill me.
[User Picture]
Date:August 29th, 2004 03:49 pm (UTC)
I like the guy who thought it was like Jean Teasdale, only he thought it was Blaisdell or something. An impressive amount of point-missing seems to go into the commentary on that site.
[User Picture]
Date:August 29th, 2004 04:49 pm (UTC)
I didn't click the link because I'm pretty sure it'd make me sad on many levels. Rabs = lovely. CAT TOWN = lovely.

No internet forum can take that away... Those stupid ass jockeys.
Date:August 29th, 2004 06:31 pm (UTC)
Shit, I didn't even think it was a crappy picture of her, and I don't know her.

Internet manners nonexistent, users try and beef up self image by slamming others. Film at 11.
[User Picture]
Date:August 29th, 2004 07:00 pm (UTC)
thanks. :)

it's certainly not the best picture of me out there on the intarwebbe.
Date:August 29th, 2004 07:55 pm (UTC)
Fark? Never heard of it before tonight, and now I'm glad.

Great Lost Bear, on the other hand! Back in the day, they had the BEST radio ads--these surreal little plays involving Elvis having various adventures. In one series, I kid you not, they stuck him in the middle of Apocalypse Now. "Ah love the smell of nachos in the mornin'. It's the smell of VIC-treh. The smell of CHEESE!"
[User Picture]
Date:August 29th, 2004 10:12 pm (UTC)

It's the old Internet sport: "I'm so insecure that I have to make malicious fun of other people on the Internet, then cry 'But, it was a joke! Get over it already!' when they get angry at me. And, I can get away with it because I'm too far away for the injured party to come over and give me the broken limb I deserve.".


Date:August 29th, 2004 11:33 pm (UTC)
Now, I am not surprised by any of this, as all great things (like CAT TOWN) have their own little group of jealous haters. It was bound to happen. Those of us who have senses of humour not hindered by the "desperate to always appear as cool and detached as possible" gene just know better, that's all. What DOES surprise me is that these kiddies at fark weren't already familiar with the cats in their costumes. HELLO?! God, those pictures have only been circulating like mad over the internet for SEVERAL MONTHS NOW. For a bunch of internet-savvy, hipper-than-thou types, they're awfully behind on this one, aren't they?

Date:August 29th, 2004 11:34 pm (UTC)

[User Picture]
Date:August 30th, 2004 03:17 am (UTC)

Wankers. Wankers, wankers, wankers.

I really don't get why it's always the most pathetic insecure (generally inept and unpleasant-looking) males who pass the most critical judgement on women's faces and bodies. Perhaps it's that they spend all their time looking at porn and have never been actually naked with a real 3-D female.

Rabs is not mocked.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
Date:August 30th, 2004 12:00 pm (UTC)
I pop by Fark on occasion but usually it's just to see the odd news. The comments are useless in their predictability: some people post mocking comments, some other people defend whatever was mocked, and it dissolves into a pissy-fit. Every. Damn. Time.

I once had a match.com date go on and on about how how he loved Fark and how impressed he was that I'd heard of it. There was no second date.

*hugs for rabs*

*beat-downs for assholes*
[User Picture]
Date:August 30th, 2004 05:40 am (UTC)

I think Rabs is adorable

and not fat at all.

I know a Farker. He's a Mormon with five kids. His wife works and he sits at home all day on Fark, right-wing message boards and playing computer games. Don't let the bastards get you down.
[User Picture]
Date:August 30th, 2004 05:56 am (UTC)

Re: I think Rabs is adorable

(postscript after reading above comments)

Just as an interesting side note: Said Mormon is overweight and so is his wife, yet his first line of attack when dealing with a woman (in his case usually Rosie O'Donnell, Margaret Cho or another typical right-wing target) is her weight. Interesting how that works.

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